Monday, March 21, 2011

I HURT

I have that all over kind of hurt going on.  Not physical--emotional/mental.  But it feels physical.  That's why I haven't been writing.  I don't even know how to express myself really.  I can't even really give you specific reasons why I hurt.  I just do.  I'm tired of hurting.  I'm tired of picking myself up and forcing myself to keep moving forward.  I'm tired of dealing with everything that keeps coming my way.  I'm tired of realizing that I honestly don't have a clue to many of the things that I am facing -- I don't have the answers.  And if I'm being really honest, I'm tired of asking God and not receiving an answer.  In some ways I feel like a 2 year old who decides to sit down and is not getting up--I want to shake my fist at God and stomp my feet and say "I'm not moving one more step until you explain to me what is going on."  I'm tired of faking it.  I'm tired of putting on a plastic smile and murmuring the right words.  That's what I'm thinking.  Not pretty I know, but it's real.

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