Monday, May 02, 2011


I don't have it all together.  There it is.  The secret has been revealed.  I don't have it all together and it drives me CRAZY!  I want to know everything I need to know.  I want to know how to handle each situation the right way.  I want to be able to guide my kids without second guessing myself and wondering if I have given them the best advice/discipline/guidance/reprimand in the best possible way. 

When my kids were small, it was easy to fake it.  They definitely didn't know that I didn't know what I was doing.  They just trusted me and went with it.  I also had the luxury of knowing that they weren't going to remember much about their life before age 12 or so.  (at least that's what I told myself)  I have 2 teenagers and one 12 year old--I can't hide anymore.  I can't fake it.  They know it.  And the stakes are so much higher it feels.

I find myself praying much more fervently now than I did before.  "God make me enough.  Make me the mom they need me to be.  And please, please, PLEASE protect them, reveal Yourself to them.  Draw them to You."

Perhaps I should have been doing more of that all along.  I'm a slow learner.

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