THE SECRET IS OUT
I don't have it all together. There it is. The secret has been revealed. I don't have it all together and it drives me CRAZY! I want to know everything I need to know. I want to know how to handle each situation the right way. I want to be able to guide my kids without second guessing myself and wondering if I have given them the best advice/discipline/guidance/reprimand in the best possible way.
When my kids were small, it was easy to fake it. They definitely didn't know that I didn't know what I was doing. They just trusted me and went with it. I also had the luxury of knowing that they weren't going to remember much about their life before age 12 or so. (at least that's what I told myself) I have 2 teenagers and one 12 year old--I can't hide anymore. I can't fake it. They know it. And the stakes are so much higher it feels.
I find myself praying much more fervently now than I did before. "God make me enough. Make me the mom they need me to be. And please, please, PLEASE protect them, reveal Yourself to them. Draw them to You."
Perhaps I should have been doing more of that all along. I'm a slow learner.