Thinking, Just thinking

2011-12-07T10:37:00.000-06:00

When things are hard....

I pray hard. It's true. I pray all the time in all kinds of situations. I'm sure if God gave me a nickname it would probably be Magpie. I never shutup. Really I don't. All day long I'm like some 2 year old saying "look at me daddy! See what I can do!" or I'm crying and telling him what booboo I have for the day. I'm not saying this is a bad thing--that's just my prayer life.

But when things are hard, I listen better. When things are good I just cruise along. When things are bad I curl up in a ball every night and cry and ask Him what do I do now?

Last night I just kept saying over and over--give me wisdom, give me strength. Help me bend my will to Yours. Me on my own? I'm nothing. I would definitely screw it up. Turning to Him? Well, there are no guarantees b/c I am human and make mistakes--but I definitely slide things in favor of going better.

Is that why things are hard? So I'll listen better? Oh please Lord, help me get better at always listening...

2011-12-06T09:55:00.000-06:00

Running Theme

There has been a running theme in my life the last year or so. People who hurt me and aren't sorry. And a few of these people I am required to continue relationship with...I can't just walk away. And ALL of these people say they love God (except one is confused on that front right now)---so they are my brother/sister in Christ. In general, I can honestly forgive and move on with someone who is genuinely sorry. Someone who shows me that they truly understand the hurt they caused and then they genuinely work VERY hard at changing their behavior. Those people I respect, admire, and feel good about mending the relationship.

But people who aren't sorry? Honestly? I don't know how to deal with it. How do you move forward? How can it become "ok"? How do you forgive? How do you still give of yourself and love others when you are tired of being hurt?

A few years ago I would have said, "You have to trust God. Pray, He will help you get over it." And I still believe that. But it is not as simple as it sounds. Nor is it a one time shot. This is where that daily walking with God thing comes into play. And even when I know that in my head, the daily living it out is honestly exhausting to me. I think I'm missing something in the equation? Is there more to it that I've failed to understand? Or is this deep heart hurt just a part of the human existance? A result/consequence of sin--our own and the fallout of the sin of others?

God my heart is hurt and it is hard to put one foot in front of the other. I feel tired and wore down. I feel defeated in some ways. I don't want to feel this way. I know others have it much rougher than I have and I am grateful for all that You give and You have provided. I just don't know how to get over the feelings that I have. Show me.

2011-08-24T09:45:00.000-05:00

Loving Others

Matthew 22:36-40
³⁶ “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
³⁷ Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’^[c] ³⁸ This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’^[d] ⁴⁰ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

It all comes down to loving God and loving others. Loving God, I can do. There are moments when it is hard, for sure. But deep down He has given me the faith that I need to trust Him even when I can't see. Loving others is so hard. At least with God, I know He is perfect--that everything He does is with perfect motivation. Loving others is not the case.

I have been fried by others. I'm just guessing, so have you. It makes me want to say "ok, that's it--no more 'others' in my life." I want to close the door and just forget it. I'm tired of being hurt. I'm tired of being misunderstood. I'm tired of not knowing the right way to interact with each person I meet. I'm tired of making a mess when I was just trying to help. I'm tired of getting close and getting stung. I'm tired of being rejected. I'm tired of "not being good enough".

But I love God. And He told me to love others. And his motives for me to love others are perfect. And I trust Him. This pain I feel is for a purpose I don't see.

2011-08-12T10:41:00.001-05:00

Read an interesting post today about "Fair Trade"---check it out!

The Apparent Project Blog: Fair Trade? How about B.E.A.N. trade?#c6636295564364922998#c6636295564364922998

2011-06-17T09:55:00.000-05:00

The Power of Community....

Thursday nights we have a group of people who come over and we talk about our faith and God and pray for each other and eat snacks and laugh at our children who run around enjoying each other's company. My last couple of posts have been downers--just struggling/sloshing through some stuff in my life right now.

I just wanted to take a moment to post about the power of community. With how I've been feeling, last night I did not want to have a group of people in my home, much less LEAD said group of people in a discussion about God. Had I been an "attendee" of the group instead of the "leader", I honestly would have skipped. And man, I would have missed out on the power of community.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 "Two are better than one....If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!"

I fell down this week and my friends, they lifted me up. I didn't even really discuss what was going on inside of me--just BEING there with them, listening to them talk about God, what He was doing in their life--lifted me up too. It helped to remind me of who HE is and what HE is about. And how much He loves me.

Listening to each of them pray. Thanking God for each other, for answering prayer, for being there--boldly asking Him to meet the needs of their friends and family. Healing took place in my soul.

Lord, thank you so much. I can be such a whiny brat and yet You still take the time to console me--thank you. thank you. thank you.

2011-06-16T11:56:00.000-05:00

Feeling Low

Yesterday was a bad day. I wonder, is it just me or when you begin to have a bad day--does it seem like it just continues to go downhill? Many little things happened that turned my bad day into a REALLY bad day and in turn my attitude turned sour which in turn probably caused people in my family to also have a bad day. <sigh>

While nothing "bad" has happened today, I still feel low b/c yesterday was bad and I didn't handle it well. <sigh again>

2011-06-15T11:05:00.002-05:00

Perspective

This world is not about me and my experiences. This world is about God and His kingdom. Lord help me to keep life in perspective.

2011-06-14T21:24:00.000-05:00

Wish I Knew...

How can you so intensely care about people you don't know? Why do I have such a burden for faces that I have yet to meet? Why has God placed this burden on my heart, but has yet to show me what to do with what I feel?

Reading blogs about others working in Haiti, selling Haitian jewelry for people I don't know, and in general hearing the word "Haiti" pop up several times of day--all cause my heart to ache. Part of me wants to just shut the door and walk away. But God won't let me.

So I wait. Impatiently today. Frustrated. Heart heavy. Mind confused.

2011-05-02T22:33:00.000-05:00

THE SECRET IS OUT

I don't have it all together. There it is. The secret has been revealed. I don't have it all together and it drives me CRAZY! I want to know everything I need to know. I want to know how to handle each situation the right way. I want to be able to guide my kids without second guessing myself and wondering if I have given them the best advice/discipline/guidance/reprimand in the best possible way.

When my kids were small, it was easy to fake it. They definitely didn't know that I didn't know what I was doing. They just trusted me and went with it. I also had the luxury of knowing that they weren't going to remember much about their life before age 12 or so. (at least that's what I told myself) I have 2 teenagers and one 12 year old--I can't hide anymore. I can't fake it. They know it. And the stakes are so much higher it feels.

I find myself praying much more fervently now than I did before. "God make me enough. Make me the mom they need me to be. And please, please, PLEASE protect them, reveal Yourself to them. Draw them to You."

Perhaps I should have been doing more of that all along. I'm a slow learner.

2011-04-25T12:56:00.001-05:00

EASTER

What a weekend. Our lives have been so filled--every minute a dozen "have-tos" need our attention. But this weekend, we planned for nothing. A few "need tos", but mostly--"want-tos" and "impromptus".

Our daughter, Racheal, turned 15 this week and also went to Disney in Florida with the high school marching band. She returned on Friday afternoon (during the CRAZY rain!) and Josh took Saturday off. Because of the crazy rain our soccer game on Friday was cancelled! So we got to be lazy all weekend long.

We enjoyed Easter together as a family. This may sound funny--but this is one of the few Easters we have enjoyed as a family. For many years we were very actively involved in Sunday morning church. Sunday morning church can be an AWESOME thing. It can also become work if you are not very very careful. Unfortunately I don't think my husband & I were very careful and it turned into a lot of work in a lot of ways. We loved the work, don't get me wrong. We really did enjoy every moment of serving and helping and giving to the people God put in front of us. The problem was, we stopped taking time to spend WITH God. We would be so focused on getting the service ready--or serving in the kid's ministry or fixing something that we would lose track of moments just to spend listening to the Spirit.

This year, it was just our family. Just the five of us. In our dining room. Singing songs from youtube. Reading the Easter story. Remembering what Jesus has done and what that means. Josh shared how God showed him that Easter ushered in the Holy Spirit--without Easter we wouldn't have God with us always.

Then we of course had the annual Easter Egg Hunt (albeit with two reluctant teens and one very excited 12 year old). And then we all pitched in and made supper--burgers on the grill, deviled eggs, strawberries, french fries (yum!). Enjoyed a couple of movies. A very nice, relaxing "non-have to" day.

He has risen! He is Alive! The Spirit now lives in us. Does your life reflect that?

2011-04-20T09:54:00.000-05:00

DATE NIGHT

Going out with my hubby this afternoon for some much needed bonding time. Our life seems to get stuck in fast forward way too often and I need days like this just to slow down and reconnect with the man I love. I love my kids and I love being their mom and shuttling them to and from everything--but I need to remember I'm a woman too. My "mom" hat won't be forever (at least not in the capacity that it is right now) and I need to remember who I am when I'm not "mom"!!

2011-04-19T11:00:00.002-05:00

MOTHERHOOD

I'm a mom times 3. Tomorrow will mark the day that I began learning one of the hardest lessons of being a mom---letting go. Racheal turns 15 tomorrow. 15 years ago tomorrow, I learned that being a mom involves a lot of pain. It is very scary. And 90% of the time you don't know what you're doing (the other 10% --you think you know what you're doing, but you realize later you were wrong).

Tomorrow marks the anniversary of me learning how to let go. I'm a slow learner. I still haven't learned how to let go. "Don't forget your jacket, it will be cool today." "Did you remember your homework?" "Put on sunscreen." "Make good choices." I look at my beautiful daughter and my handsome sons and my heart swells and my chest constricts. My eyes get leaky and my nose burns. I love them so much. I can't even put into words how much I love them. And I am terrified for them, almost always. The world is so big, so mean, so hard, and I want to just wrap them in my arms and keep them from all the hurt I know they are gonna feel.

But I can't. Because being a mom means equipping them to deal with all that pain, all that evil. I cannot shelter them, I can't keep them from all the bad. Oh of course I could for awhile. But one day they will leave the safety of my home, of my eyes, of my arms and if I don't do my job well--they won't be able to cope.

So I hold on to Jesus and pray that my love for Him and my dependence on Him shines through. Because my Mama taught me about Jesus and that He is good, that He is loving, and while we will never understand Him fully--He can be trusted. I'm teaching my children the same--Hold on to Jesus, because this world will chew you up and spit you out and He's the only stable thing there is to hold on to.

2011-04-16T19:14:00.000-05:00

THERE HAS TO BE A BETTER WAY

I have this thought almost every single time I go to a funeral or a visitation. I stand in line, trying to blink back tears. I get close to the "loved ones" waiting beside the deceased and I lose it. EVERY TIME. I cry. It doesn't matter whether I know the deceased, or the loved ones.. Heck, I could totally not know ANYONE in the room, and I'd still cry. My nose burns, my eyes leak and I can't say a word over the lump in my throat. I hold the loved ones close and say "I'm praying for you", I back away with my head down and cry some more as I scurry to the car.

There has to be a better way. Granted, I am a non-traditionalist. I like change. And I like to buck the system. I question why we do everything, and why we do it the way we do. <which probably has a huge contribution to why we homeschool and why we lead a home church>

SO? Is there a better way for a visitation or a funeral? I totally get that some people need closure by seeing the deceased body. And I get that people want to "pay their respects" and let the loved ones know they care. But isn't there another way?

Ok, I'll be honest. I think one of the biggest reasons why I cry so hard is because I know there will be a day when I'M going to be the "loved one" standing next to the deceased. While, I'm in no hurry to be the person in the box--that really doesn't terrify me too much (at this point anyway). What I can't stand, is the thought of being the person standing next to the box, hurting so bad that the person I love is in the box and is no longer here with me. And knowing that no amount of people saying "I'm sorry for your loss" is going to make a dent in the pain that I feel inside.

Hours. Loved ones stand there for HOURS. Shaking hands, giving hugs, watching people cry, crying themselves, trying not to say something stupid, looking for something helpful to say. And the people who come? Stand in line for a long time (sometimes hours!), try not to cry, make small talk with people in line about inconsequential things, try not to completely lose it in front of the "loved ones", try the whole time to think of something adequate to say, feel like a failure when they don't come up with anything, glance at the person in the box, shed more tears, and make their way to the car.

Is this really helpful to either set of people? Maybe it is to some, and if it is to you..then I understand. You're exactly why I go to visitations and funerals. But for me--it's not helpful. It causes a knot in my stomach and makes me sweaty and anxious.

And always this same thought---isn't there a better way? It's become my quest now. I'm trying to come up with a better way.

For instance today I attended the visitation of my friend, Gordon Cade. Great guy. LOVED soccer (that is an understatement--he was buried in a soccer uniform and a Manchester United stocking cap). Wouldn't it have been more fitting to rent a huge jumbo-tron and watch a Manchester United game? Drink some beers, and laugh? I think Gordon would have loved that... And instead of having all the kids from the soccer team come stand in line--what if we would have gathered them all together at the soccer field and had a game in Gordon's honor? I think Gordon would have loved that too. Not that Gordon or his family didn't (doesn't) appreciate all of us coming and hugging them and paying our respects. Or even that the Cade family should have done things differently.

I just don't think I can stand there for several hours while people come to pay their respects to the person I love who is in the box. I don't think I can do it. So I gotta come up with another idea. I will still have a funeral service...but I don't think I can do the visitation. I just can't. I think I would have a nervous breakdown and say some really dumb things and hurt a lot of people.

2011-04-01T12:32:00.001-05:00

Friday Five

1. What’s in need of a good cleaning?
It might be easier to answer what doesn't...ha ha

2. What’s your idea of good, clean fun?
board games & snacks with my friends and/or family

3. How clean is your driving record?
I got one ticket shortly after turning 16 for rolling through a stop sign. Other than that--nothing! (Lots of warnings for speeding though! :( )

4. When did you last make a clean escape?
Hmmm.....I probably don't want to share so that I can do it again :)

5. What are your feelings about dirty language?
For myself? : Ephesians 4:29 "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

But potty-mouthed people don't bother me too much. I kind of feel like if you have to use the "f" word (or other inappropriate words) every other word, it is a mark of having nothing important to say. It's kind of annoying. But if you stub your toe or something really bad happens, I can understand why you might choose a few choice words to say...

2011-03-30T11:38:00.001-05:00

What's Your Role?

I am enjoying reading Donald Miller's A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. While I don't necessarily agree always with what he writes, I very much appreciate how he thinks. He examines everything and thinks deeply and honestly.

The book talks alot about story and how life is one big story. I've heard this concept before in some other books (John Eldredge especially), but what I especially liked is a small part about a father creating a role for his daughter in the story of the family. They were having trouble with her and through conversation decided to write a better role for her to fill. Long story short, once she found a role within her family that fit who she wanted to be, she didn't feel like she needed to seek out other stories to be a part of.

In the context of story, I had always thought about my own story. It didn't dawn on me until I read this book, that yes I am a part of a story--but I also need to be writing roles for other people in my life. And allowing them room to write in my story as well. I have written roles for other people, but I didn't realize it. And I now am seeing more clearly that sometimes I have written roles for people that they don't want to fulfill and that's what creates conflict in my story. (i.e. conflict in my relationships!) Sometimes I will have to be firm in those roles--for instance with my children. They may not like the fact that they are my kids--but that is a non-negotiable. But they definitely can have the freedom to grow up and make their own choices of what will interest them, what they will feel passionately about, what they dream--those aren't things that I need to write for them, I need to allow them to discover that. There must be room in my story for their story too....

Love your neighbor as you love yourself....why does this all seem so familiar?? :)

2011-03-26T23:06:00.000-05:00

SOCCER 2011 HAS OFFICIALLY BEGUN

So today was our first soccer game! It was SO COLD! No joke--had on three layers plus 4 blankets and I was still feeling numb in my extremities! But at least it wasn't raining! We tied Marshall and won 7-1 against Paris! The kids played really well. Especially #1--that Quinton Ridgley kid :) 3 assists!

2011-03-25T08:41:00.000-05:00

FRIDAY FIVE

1. When did you last have occasion to march anywhere?
March....hmmm... Probably the last time I "marched" would have been while I was a teacher's aide at a preschool...

2. What kind of hula-hooper are you?
Absolutely dreadful!

3. What kind of madness is most likely to infect you this weekend?
Soccer madness! My son's first game is this weekend and it's a double header! We have commenced to talking about soccer almost all the time right now!

4. Under what circumstances this past week might you have had reason to shout, “SCORE!”
This past week??? Ummm... I haven't :( So sad I know!

5. When did you last inadvertently dribble, drool, or otherwise let liquid escape your mouth while trying to keep it in?
While I slept for sure...I'm a drooler. Gross, but true.

2011-03-24T13:39:00.000-05:00

I LOVE ILLINOIS WEATHER

Go ahead, hate me. I can take it. But I LOVE Illinois weather. I do. I love how it changes constantly. I love how one day you can have your windows open and be wearing shorts and the next day you are turning the heater on and wearing your winter coat. It is one of the greatest parts of living in Illinois. I really don't know why I love the changing weather--but I do. Always have! So there. Illinois--I like your wacky weather so just keep it up!

2011-03-21T16:20:00.000-05:00

I HURT

I have that all over kind of hurt going on. Not physical--emotional/mental. But it feels physical. That's why I haven't been writing. I don't even know how to express myself really. I can't even really give you specific reasons why I hurt. I just do. I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of picking myself up and forcing myself to keep moving forward. I'm tired of dealing with everything that keeps coming my way. I'm tired of realizing that I honestly don't have a clue to many of the things that I am facing -- I don't have the answers. And if I'm being really honest, I'm tired of asking God and not receiving an answer. In some ways I feel like a 2 year old who decides to sit down and is not getting up--I want to shake my fist at God and stomp my feet and say "I'm not moving one more step until you explain to me what is going on." I'm tired of faking it. I'm tired of putting on a plastic smile and murmuring the right words. That's what I'm thinking. Not pretty I know, but it's real.

2011-02-26T12:34:00.000-06:00

BEST FRIENDS

I have this group of friends. We came together about 5 years ago. There are 5 couples. We are all as different as night and day. It's amazing that we are so close and we love each other so well. We all do life differently, raise our families differently, have different theologies and ideas. But at our heart--we all love Jesus. Desperately, with abandon, we are deeply in love with Jesus.

God brought this grouping of people to my life 5 years ago when I was going through a really hard time. They were a balm on my soul and continue to be. Honestly, I don't know what I would do without these people now. They have become so entangled in my life and I love it that way. Each time I'm with them, I reveal a little more of myself and they reveal a little more of themselves. Each time we're together I fall a little bit deeper in love with them. Each time I'm with them, I realize a little bit more what a unique gift God has given me.

Last night we spent the entire night eating random snack foods and going around the table sharing the struggles we're going through. Praising God for the things He has carried us through. Encouraging one another that "you're not crazy!" and whole lot of teasing each other. We had lots of belly laughs--the kind where your eyes close real tight and it's hard to breathe and your whole body shakes.

As I think back on last night--it was a taste of home, of heaven. Being with my best friends made my problems seem a little smaller, less bleak. It made me realize that I have worth. A lot of healing went on last night, where we poured into each other and allowed ourselves to be poured into. It felt like Jesus.

I love you, my best friends. Thanks for being Jesus to me.

2011-01-14T10:07:00.000-06:00

THIS IS THE STUFF YOU USE

Just heard the song This is the Stuff You Use by Francesca Battistelli. Going through a rough time right now with a pretty important relationship to our immediate family. For the past several weeks I have been struggling through anger, frustration, irritation, forgiveness, letting go--in short, being the person God wants me to be instead of the fleshly person that kept crying out to be let loose.

I was shocked at the level of anger I felt. I was surprised at the unkind and hurtful thoughts that came so easily to mind and the willingness of myself to at least allow my mind to unleash fury on this person and revel in their pain. It was sin. Dirty, ugly, "I have a right to feel this way", sin.

Thank God, the Spirit was able to speak through all that anger and hurt and continue to whisper--this is not who you were made to be. I SO didn't want to listen to that voice. Thank God again that I had a husband and good friends I was able to share my struggle with--that I was not winning the war in my own heart against Satan trying to creep in. They were able to enter into the battle with me and pray that God would have His way and not the flesh.

It is a moment by moment struggle sometimes. The situation with the relationship is not resolved--it's not all tied up in a pretty bow and fixed. It's messy. I know things now, that I didn't know and that changes things. I have to relearn how to trust (or if to trust!) the person.

But the song this morning--This is the Stuff You Use--reminded me that God used this situation to remind me that Satan is always there(sin is crouching at your door)--waiting for the opportunity to come in and wreak havoc in my heart. But God is SO much bigger and when we cry out to Him, He hears, He answers, He loves, He teaches, He renews this fleshly heart of mine and turns it again towards Him.

Thank you so much Father. And even though I know saying this will cause me pain--Use whatever You need to, to keep me close to You. Thank you for loving me and for showing me the ugly that is still in me. Thank you for holding my hand through this pain. Thank you for making me a little more like your Son today.

I love you.

2011-01-10T14:07:00.000-06:00

AN AFGHAN

I love God. He is so cool how He works. Yet at the same time, I am human and get frustrated at how He works. But today--He showed me something cool.

I am attempting to crochet an afghan. I learned how to crochet from my mom when I was young and haven't even attempted anything in probably 15+ years. For whatever reason, I got a whim during the month of December to take the hobby up again. I have crocheted 3 scarves and really enjoyed the process (and they are pretty!!). My daughter told me I should choose something besides scarves to do. So I was looking around and found a pattern to crochet an afghan. It was marked "easy" and I thought--hey I made 3 scarves, this shouldn't be too difficult--I just have to follow the directions.

Have I mentioned here how I tend to lean toward the perfectionistic side? How I like things to go the way they are supposed to? So I'm crocheting away, feeling smug as I follow the directions and watch the yarn turn into something pretty. BTW, this afghan has 9 rows--each row is a different pattern of stitches. So I am going along and hit row 5 when I realize I'm not quite understanding what the directions are saying--b/c things are not coming out quite right. I rip out a few stitches and try again--still it doesn't seem right. So I ask my husband to take a look and see what he thinks. He gives me a different viewpoint and wa-la! it goes much better. But as I look at it, I realize that it still doesn't look quite right. When I stop and look at the whole thing, I realize I had made a mistake (just a teensy one) a few rows back. That's why it doesn't look quite right. Now, my husband looks at it and says he doesn't notice. My kids don't notice--no one is probably ever going to notice. But I notice. And while I continue on--I know it's there. That mistake is there and will effect every single row until the end of the afghan. It bothers me. It makes me want to quit. I want to rip out everything I've done and start over. Then I made another mistake a few rows later. Again, it's not a big one that everyone will notice. But I realized, even if I did rip out back to my original mistake--I would probably make another. Am I gonna rip it out everytime until it is perfect?

God whispered to my heart that the afghan is like my life. My life is made one moment in time just as the afghan is made one stitch at a time. I must take my life one moment at a time--I can't get ahead of myself. My hands are full with this moment now. Just like in the afghan--knowing what the next stitch is or concentrating on the next stitches instead of the stitch right in front of me will cause me to make mistakes or rush ahead! I can't unravel my life and fix my mistakes--and those mistakes do influence the rest of my life--no matter how small. But if I concentrate on my mistakes I will miss out on the beauty of my entire life. I will miss the joy of each moment (each stitch!).

Thanks God for each stitch of my life. Help me to follow closely to you and when I don't and I trip and fall flat on my face--thank you for the grace of forgiveness. Help me to learn how to forgive myself for my mistakes and also to forgive others for their mistakes.

2010-12-08T19:55:00.000-06:00

FAMILY

So I just shared with my family that I wouldn't be hosting Christmas. <sigh> While no one confronted me in anger, it was there. They are upset and frustrated with me because I'm going to my in-laws for Christmas. I tried to explain that if we didn't go Christmas weekend we wouldn't get to celebrate with them until the end of January. I don't think that matters to them.

I have been physically ill today. Like that nauseous--I'm gonna throw up ill. Not because I'm really sick. But because I knew I had to tell my family today that I wasn't hosting Christmas. Remember that "people are exhausting" post. Yeah..this is what I'm talking about. I want and feel that my immediate family should spend Christmas with my in-laws, but doing that causes pain to my extended family. So I've been warring with myself about when and how to tell my family. I really wanted to just call the whole thing off and have Christmas with my family and meet up with my in-laws at the end of January. My in-laws really didn't care. It was OK with them to wait until the end of January. But it felt wrong.

My family lives closer--so we can get together with them pretty much anytime. My in-laws live almost 3 hours away and my brother & sister-in-law just had a new baby. The baby would have been almost 2 months old before we'd get to see her if we waited. I didn't want to wait. My husband didn't want to wait. The only reason to wait, was so my family didn't get their feelings hurt. So I swallowed the bile and bit the bullet and told them.

And now...they're probably mad at me. And will be. And while they won't overtly show their anger--it will be shown in a thousand little barbs for the rest of my life.

Lord, help me to be compassionate. Help me to forgive and not be bitter. Help me to love my children and never, ever make them feel like this.

I'm sad.

2010-12-06T12:37:00.001-06:00

WEEKEND

There is just something about the weekend. 2 days of no school. I love my boys dearly (and my daughter too, but she's in public school now) and for the most part I do enjoy homeschooling. But some days... Some days I just itch and chafe at the thought of learning one more thing about mountains--or the human body--or diagramming sentences! In my head there is a little rebellious voice that says--"we did this already! do we really have to relearn everything??" Especially when I think of all the other things I could be doing instead--like reading a novel (oh how I miss quiet reading time!), or listening to sermons online, or just sitting quietly and watching the snow fall. I remind myself over and over that those moments will all come sooner than I imagine. In just a few years my kids will be grown and in college (my youngest will turn 12 in January!) and I will have all the free time I can handle.

So now, I look forward to the weekend just like my kids do! A break from school--time to do whatever we want. To enjoy a good book, catch up on laundry, or just veg out in front of the tube! I love me a good weekend!

2010-12-03T09:05:00.000-06:00

EXHAUSTING

Just being real--people exhaust me. Seriously. Jesus second greatest commandment "Love your neighbor as you love yourself" is WAY difficult for me. I find myself more often than not frustrated with my neighbor. There are a handful of people who I find it relatively easy to love, but the rest--exhausting. Part of my problem I've deduced is that I don't know how to be honest about how I feel about things. I'm not proud of this. I'm not even sure where I got the notion in my head that I have to be nice at all costs. My mom definitely taught me manners and to be kind to others, but my notion goes further than that. The notion in my head says that if how I feel or what I want will cause another person pain, then I should probably give up what I feel or want for the other person.

In some instances, this is a good thing. Like when it comes to meeting the needs of my kids before buying the latest kitchen gadget. Or when I'm really frustrated with my husband and I really want to lay into him, but realize that it really wouldn't be helpful to hurt him with my words just so I can "feel" better in that moment. But at other times, it doesn't serve me well. Like when a friend continues to hurt my feelings with a consistent behavior. I find myself instead of confronting, withdrawing and choosing not to have that friend anymore.

Thus, I get exhausted by people. My fantasies in life include me, all by myself, and a beautiful landscape in front of me. Quiet. No one asking me for anything. No one expecting something from me. Me not letting anyone down or warring within myself of how should I act or behave. Just peace.

I don't find this the fault of other people. It's not wrong of others to have needs and to ask me to help meet those needs. I see this as a fault of mine. A flaw in my character. That ugly selfishness who just wants what she wants and now. I'm supposed to love, not be frustrated. Jesus saw the multitudes and had compassion on them the scriptures say. Yeah, I know He is God--but still I'm supposed to strive to become like Christ.

My prayer today is that I find some decent boundaries. I learn how to speak up for myself and what I need, but at the same time I love and have compassion for others. Gotta find some sort of balance.

2010-11-30T08:31:00.001-06:00

GETTING YOUR UNDIES IN A BUNCH

I find it interesting that in this age of information overload that people still tend to get their undies in a bunch over misinformation. For instance, since it is the Christmas season, I see a lot of posting via FB about the Xmas thing. Don't take Christ out of Christmas! I did a simple google search on the origin of Xmas today and within 10 minutes read 2 articles that purported that the X stood for the Greek word for Christ and was a common abbreviation as early as the 15th century in the CHURCH! <huh, imagine that>

But really, regardless of where it did originate from, when are Christians going to stop trying to legislate Christianity? Why are we surprised when people who are not Christians do unChristian things--like trying to ignore the religious overtones of the Christmas holiday? But again--it was us Christians who hijacked this particular season away from the pagans to begin with? So why are we again, getting our undies in a bunch?

Now before you get your undies all in bunch over what I'm saying, please hear me out. Our family WILL be celebrating a Jesus-filled Christmas. <whatever that is supposed to mean> But I won't have my checklist out making sure my neighbors are too. I think it really all comes down to the frustration we (as Christians) face each December..How do I keep the focus on God and not on the worldly things?

We are saturated from October through Christmas with purchasing presents, doing good, and decorating like Griswold. How in the middle of the hustle and bustle do I maintain the focus that needs to be there? Quite frankly it's the same question we should be asking ourselves on a daily basis. God needs to be at the center of our hearts and minds everyday and when Christmas rolls around, it will be natural.

It is a heart thing, friends. We must set aside time each day to draw near to God. He will draw near to us. But we have to go after it. Just like we go after our children's (and our own) education, the money that we need to buy all the things we need and many of our wants, or follow after our favorite sports team--those things all take time and effort from us. Our relationship with God takes time to. We have to work at it. We have to make it point to read our Bible, spend time in prayer, figure out how to have a relationship with Him. <work out your salvation with fear and trembling...sound familiar?>

So get your undies out of a bunch, stop worrying about what the world is doing and instead become infatuated with what God is doing and how He wants you to be a part of it. You'll find that the X in Xmas doesn't bother you so much.

2010-11-29T13:02:00.000-06:00

TOO MANY IN MY MIND

Sometimes the thoughts in my head seem all jumbled. I just need to sit down and write them out before they're all gone. I've been away from blogging for a long time. Not sure why, just stopped posting my feelings. I think part of the reason is that I had so many thoughts, and I wasn't for sure if it was ok to share the thoughts and I couldn't censor my thoughts well at that time--so I stopped sharing at all. My life has taken so many crazy turns since my last post in 2007! One thing has remained constant--my thoughts need an outlet. It's not healthy to keep all your thoughts in your head. Well, at least for me. There are days where I don't have a silent moment for all the thoughts that are screaming at me to give them attention. So, I will try to let loose a little on some of those thoughts in effort to share my journey with whomever may read what I post.

2007-03-29T14:43:00.000-05:00

RIGHT WHERE I'M SUPPOSED TO BE

Luke 17:24-28 (NAS)

"The God who made the world and all things in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands; nor is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He Himself gives to all people life and breath and all things; and He made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined their appointed times and the boundaries of their habitation, that they would seek God, if perhaps they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us; for in Him we live and move and exist,"

To be honest, the last few months have felt like sheer uphill battle. I have been discouraged, I have been sad. I have been wondering what in the world is going on. This passage soothed my soul and brought me considerable peace. It feels good when you know you're in the palm of your Father's Hand and that nothing is surprising Him.

2007-03-08T14:18:00.000-06:00

Pledges

Is it ok to "pledge allegiance" to a flag or anything else for that matter? I work in our local Christian daycare center with 3-5 year olds. Everyday we say the pledge to the American Flag, the pledge to the Christian Flag, and the pledge to the Bible. Today one of the teachers was going to read the story of Jonah to the children from the Bible. She asked the kids if they knew the name of the book she was holding. One of our 5 year olds said, "that's the book we say the pledge to".

And then it started to bug me. Is it ok to teach our kids the pledges? I don't think in any way that the daycare center is out to brainwash our kids or to damage them. I think it's all done in innocence. But it just doesn't set right.

God tells us over and over to worship only Him--to follow only Him. But yet we are asking our kids to make a promise to inanimate objects that are not important. And while I understand it's the symbolism and the meaning that the object holds--isn't that the same as idol worship? I don't know.

I'm not going to demand that we stop encouraging the kids to say the pledges, it's just lately I've been trying to examine what I do and why I do it and this popped up today.

2007-03-07T08:09:00.000-06:00

Baptism

Had an interesting conversation last night with our Tuesday Night Group about baptism. We went around and shared our stories of when & why we were baptized. The consensus of the group seemed to be that while it isn't necessary for salvation, baptism does mark a certain maturity in Christ. I don't know if I agree with this or not. I suppose I would say that it probably more marks a maturity in the Church instead of Christ. I question the necessity. Yes, Jesus did it, yes the apostles did it. Jesus even commands at the end of Matthew--to go and make disciples, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. But is that to replace the baptizing by water that the Jews routinely did for purification? So Jesus is letting them know that instead of baptizing with water to purify yourself--now you may baptize with water in the name of God for once and for all. And did this make more sense to the Jews because of their history and their culture. As an analogy?

I also brought up that Jesus was baptized by John and while some think that this is the only time Jesus was baptized, I would disagree. Being a Jew, he would have been required by the law to "wash" to purify himself numerous times over the course of his life. In Matthew 3 when Jesus goes to John to be baptized, John was not doing the type of baptism we were thinking--or at least that's my understanding--he was doing the routine baptisms that all Jews must go through.

Interesting...

2007-03-06T08:34:00.000-06:00

Evelyn

Last week a woman in my church, Evelyn, passed away. It was rather unexpected. She went in to have a stint put in her heart and while recovering had a heart attack and passed on. I didn't know Evelyn intimately. We didn't have long heart to hearts or share personal problems. But she definitely affected my life. She always had a kind word for me. She was an encourager to me. She made me remember why I long to do ministry. And now she's gone. I weep for her family and her friends and for me--for the loss of not having her here on earth. But to want her to return would only be selfish of me. Thanks Evelyn. I don't ever think I told you how much your kind words meant to me.

2007-03-02T16:06:00.000-06:00

Friday Five!

1. What do you like most: Fridays, Saturdays, or Sundays (and why)?
Used to be Fridays because we would have a bunch of our friends come over and hang out and play games. But my hubby has to work Friday nights now and we haven't really figured out how to start up another evening like that. So I guess my fave night now would be Sundays because we just hang out at home with the family.

2. What was the best weekend of your life?
That is impossible to answer. I really have no idea. One weekend that sticks out to me is last April when we went with Josh's brother & wife to Lake of the Ozarks and hung out. It was relaxing and fun and non-stressful.

3. What weekend of the year is your favorite?
Probably my birthday weekend. Lately we haven't been able to do anything special because a kid has been sick or something has happened. But I love my birthday and celebrating with friends & family.

4. Do you have any weekend routines?
We always go to church on Sunday morning and in the afternoon we hang around and take naps etc and then in the evening we snack on whatever is in the cabinets or fridge and watch tv or a movie.

5. Describe your ideal Saturday night.
Hmm.. I don't know. I'm not one for routine, so I would rather have something different happen every Saturday night. I like surprises!

2007-02-28T08:19:00.000-06:00

Miracles

Been reading through the book of Acts with a few friends and discussing things together. Last nights discussion was brought around to healing and miracles. It seemed like everytime you turned around in Acts one of the disciples was being filled with the Holy Spirit and then was able to bring healing to someone who needed it. We wondered out loud if miracles still happened like that and if so, why none of us had ever personally been involved. We are all relatively young (under 30), but at the same time most of us have been in church all our lives and have never seen something extraordinary done. We've heard stories. But have never had a firsthand experience--even in our families. Have we miscounted the gazillion little things that happened? Or, as someone in the group suggested, has God removed His hand in that way in America?

I don't know for sure what I believe. But I have always struggled with the "nation" thing. Is that still in place? Does God judge a whole nation now? I thought since Christ, it was a person by person thing. Or is that not true? I don't readily have a scripture that even pops into mind that would make that statement accurate.

2007-02-23T07:49:00.000-06:00

FRIDAY FIVE

Mish Mosh!

1. favorite cereal and why?
Raisin Bran Crunch--because it's awesome

2. what is the best thing about summer?
spending everyday with my kids

3. would you rather have a slurpee or a milkshake?
milkshake. I think slurpees taste funny.

4. If you could be a member of any band/musical group, past or present, what band would it be and why?
I'm not a "band" kind of person. But if I could play in any "Broadway Musical" it would probably be West Side Story because it's my favorite. But I would end up with a cruddy part because I'm not Puerto Rican :)

5. Who is your idol? What are they famous for?
Umm, that would be Jesus Christ and He kind of did that whole dying on the cross thing. That was pretty famous :)

2007-02-20T15:34:00.000-06:00

Haiti Trip November 2006

Friday, November 24

We wake up early and begin the rush. Did you remember your toothbrush? Did you get the toothpaste? At the same time we are trying to pack for ourselves, we are also rushing our children around so they can get their things packed to go to the Robeys. We get all of our stuff loaded into our van and make a quick trip across town to Michael & Laura Robey's. There we give a list of last minute things we need to tell about the kids and a calming and tearful time of prayer as we seek God's guidance, peace, comfort, and protection. Then it's out the door back to our house so we can load up our stuff in Brian's car!

9am and we are on the road to Terre Haute where we will connect with Eddie Hammond, pastor of Crossroads Community Church in Sullivan, IN. So we transfer all of our stuff from Brian's car to Eddie's car and then head to Indy. Thankfully the trip there was uneventful.

We made it to the airport, had an excellent lunch (Asian Chaos is an AWESOME chinese restaurant in the airport. You have to try the Bourbon Chicken.), then through security which went uneventful except for Brian getting his toothpaste confiscated. (Yes they really do mean only 3 oz of liquid/gel/cream etc) Then we settle in for about an hour wait for our flight to board.

This was Josh's first flight experience. He had never had the opportunity to fly before, so it made the trip even more exciting. The flight was very uneventful (thank you God!), but long. Almost 3 hours. But then we touch down in Miami and discover that we are not allowed to check our baggage on to Port Au Prince, but that we have to pick up our bags and take them with us to the hotel or we could pay to keep them in storage at the airport. So we load up our bags and go in search of our shuttle to the hotel.

About a half hour later and we are loaded in a 15 passenger van racing through the streets of Miami. The part we saw was under construction. So it didn't look so nice. We're dropped off at the hotel and find our rooms and begin our wait to meet up with the rest of the team--pastor Fran Leeman and pastor in training Alex Lopezalles. So we decide to go through our bags to make sure everything is still in place. One of our checked bags was full of food that we were taking down for Steve & Joline. Things they can't get like salsa, black olives, kraft macaroni and cheese etc. When we open up the bag we see it has been trashed and one of our plastic bottles of salsa now has a gash in it and has dribbled salsa all over everything. Ugh.

Finally around 8pm Fran & Alex make an appearance and we all head down the street to find a place to eat. The evening ends and we all go to bed early so that we can meet at 6am for breakfast and to catch the 7am shuttle back to the airport.

Saturday, November 25

Rise and shine at 5am. Repack bags. Meet up with everyone else and head to the great McD's for some breakfast. Back to the airport as we rush through security and to the other side where we wait for our flight out. While waiting in Miami, Fran strikes up a conversation with a Haitian gentleman who spoke English pretty well. He is working on becoming an American citizen and is a businessman here in the States. He was going home to visit his wife and children, of which he only sees 3 times a year. He's hopeful in the next year or two he will be able to bring them to America too. Can you imagine being separated for that amount of time? It would break my heart!

Unfortunately our flight is delayed--by about an hour. It shouldn't affect our flight from Port Au Prince to Jeremie. At least we hope not.

We board the plane and are on our way to Port Au Prince. The flight only takes about 1½ hours. We land in Port Au Prince and are welcomed by a Haitian band on the tarmac. It was kind of cool. Inside we stand in line to go through immigration. Us newbies to Haiti were all a little jittery as to what to expect, but it wasn't a problem for anyone. We all meet up on the other side and move to baggage claim. Then it's on to customs where I'm just praying that I will not get stopped with my "real" sweet potatoes (I brought them for Steve & Joline as we were celebrating Thanksgiving with them. Fran brought a frozen ham & turkey!) Brian, Eddie, Josh & I were all waved through customs without a second glance, but Alex & Fran both had to stop. No one had to give up anything or pay any fines. (Thank you again God!) Then it was time to leave the airport.

Fran is in the lead and as we step out into the bright sunlight of Haiti, there are literally 200 or more Haitian men ready to carry your bags. Talk about intimidating. Before we had walked through the door Fran had said "Whatever you do, don't let go of your bag and don't let anyone carry it." We stepped out and tried to stay together in a line as Fran followed our driver who was standing right outside the door waiting for us. It wasn't difficult for the driver to figure out who we were, since we were the only group of white people on the plane ride over. The Haitian men were very friendly. They kept saying "good service, good service". We kept saying "no thank you, no thank you". Fran later explained that they have no intention of running off with your bag, they just want a tip. The problem is that one guy will carry your bag for a few feet then pass it to the next guy and so on down the line until 3 or 4 guys have carried your bag and they each expect the same amount of tip.

We piled our stuff inside our driver's bus and he took us through the streets of Port Au Prince to the small airport. The funny thing is, the large airport and the small airport share the same landing strip. They could build a road between the two buildings instead of having people travel, but they haven't done that because it gives Haitian people an income and you would be putting a lot of people out of a job.

So Nadiere(pronounced na-dare) gets us to the small airport, helps us get our bags out and gets a couple of guys from his company to help us through. We go in and go through security. Or what is supposed to be security. They have the conveyor belt and x ray machine and the little thing you have to walk through, but none of them run. But hey, I guess it's one step at a time.

We go check in and are told that we would have about an hour and half wait for the next flight. Great. It's a one room place with probably 200 people crammed in this room and there are no chairs left and no air conditioning and it's probably close to 85-90 degrees. So we wait.

The plane is small. We knew it would be, but nothing can really prepare you for it. 12 seats, plus the pilot and co-pilot seat. Josh could literally stretch his arms and touch both sides of the plane at the same time. Talk about nervous. This had to be one of the most scariest parts of the trip for me. I had no idea what to expect or how it was going to turn out. A few minutes later and the plane is in the air and it was awesome. By far the most fun flight of the whole trip. The plane only travels at about 6000 feet, so your ears don't really bother you and you can see out the window easily to everything below. It was fantastic.

About 45 minutes later we land in Jeremie! We get off the plane, greet Steve Moore, the missionary we will be staying with and go inside to collect our things--only to realize we were missing 2 bags. The turkey was missing and Fran's clothes were missing! They assured us they would be on the morning plane that would land around 10am. So we go to pile into the truck Steve has rented for us when the rain clouds move in and we realize that all 7 of us are going to have to pile inside the truck. We tucked our luggage under a tarp in the back, and crammed 3 men in the front, 3 men in the back with me on Josh's lap in the middle. Boy was that fun. Then you have to throw in that the truck is a stick shift and that the roads are awful! Potholes that take up the whole road, giant craters more like it. Definitely rugged terrain that had been made worse by 4 days of torrential rain that had hit the city of Jeremie before we arrived! The mud had slid down the mountain and washed out places in the road.

About 45 minutes later after Josh was sufficiently squashed and Fran's leg had gone numb from trying to stay out of the way of the stick shift, we arrived at the Moore's home.

Joline had made snickerdoodles and coffee and ushered us all into the house and showed us our rooms and in general fussed over us like a mother hen :) Then we all sat out on their porch and watched the rain and relaxed and shook our heads that we were actually in Haiti!

Sunday, November 26

It's now 2am and I am awoken by some strange noise. Is that Steve trying to wake up Joline? What does he want? Wait, no, that's not it...it's..it's someone snoring. Oh my. Really loud. Like REALLY LOUD. And I got the giggles and couldn't stop snickering. It was just too funny. This could be a long trip.

I finally manage to fall back to sleep and wake around 6am. Time for showers (oh yes we had showers--cold ones, but a shower! And a toilet--a real flushing toilet. Isn't God good?) and breakfast.

Since Fran's clothing is missing and he had been asked to preach at church that morning, the guys all swapped clothes so he could have a nice dress shirt, pants, and shoes. The Haitians dress up for church--suit and tie, dresses, the whole nine yards. We all pile in the truck and since it's not raining most of the guys ride in the back of the truck so there is more space. The church is about 9 or 10 miles away. And it took us 1 hour to get there. I laughed and said, "People think Josh & I are crazy for driving 45 minutes to church--that's nothing compared to this!" The roads again were horrible. I don't think we ever got up past 25mph.

We arrived a bit early and the pastor invited us to come inside for coffee and bread. Haitian coffee is very sweet. I managed to drink all of mine, even though I can't stand coffee. But I knew this family had probably sacrificed this morning so I could have coffee and bread as their guests and so that's probably the best cup of coffee I'll ever have in my life. It was very kind of them. After we finished, we were led to the church building where the congregation had already gathered and were singing. The only song I recognized was "When the Roll is Called Up Yonder".

Fran preached and another man who knew English translated for him. The sermon was centered on Luke 5:1-11 where Jesus asks Peter to put his nets out in the water again after Peter had just been out all night and not caught anything. Peter says "because it is you, I will." Fran challenged the people that there will be times that God will ask them to do something they may not want to do, and as Christians we need to be ready to answer "because it is you, God, I will." He encouraged them that God may ask them to share what they have with a neighbor even though they only have enough for themselves, but if God asks them to, they should be willing. The translator on the way home told Fran that he had really opened a "can of worms" with that statement. The Haitian people by culture/nature do not naturally share with one another. They tend not to help one another out. So the sermon was very challenging for them.

After the service, we took some pictures and mixed with people in the congregation. There were 3 little girls who kept smiling and watching me throughout the morning. And I finally asked "Photo?" to which all three giggled. So I took their picture and then turned around to talk to someone when I felt a quick tap on my arm and then turned to see the three girls giggling again. The mountain people especially are not used to white people (especially women) and I was quite the novelty that morning!

We exited the church to where everyone congregated around the yard and talked. The pastor opened some coconuts for us to drink coconut juice. It was--ok I guess :) Then we all piled back into the truck to ride back down the mountain.

Once we were home, Joline was busy cooking the turkey and getting things ready for lunch. She had stayed behind so she could go to the airport and pick up the missing bags. Steve had started feeling sick on the way home from church, so he went to lay down. As the afternoon progressed he got much worse. It ended up being a bout with malaria. Not fun.

Sunday night we hung out at the Moore's and got to know each other better. Then had a good laugh when we were on the porch talking and someone says, "what time is it anyway?" and I look at my watch and say "6:30pm". Everyone laughed because we all thought it had to be close to 11 or so. With no electricity in the city of Jeremie (they have been without for about 3 months), and the Moores being cautious with running the generator (gas costs about $6 a gallon--when you can get it), it gets dark when the sun goes down. We ended up going to bed around 8 or 9 that night.

Monday, November 27

Cock-a-doodle-doo! What? It's still dark. What time is it anyway? Only 3am. The roosters in Haiti don't seem to understand that you're not supposed to wake everyone up until the sun comes up. Ahh the wildlife.

I managed to doze in and out until about 5am when I gave up and headed for the shower. The plan had been that we would get up and drive to Gatineau (pronounced "got to know"), the village where we will be building the medical clinic. But upon awakening, we found that Steve was not feeling up to the trip and so we decided to postpone it to the next day when we would all be able to go. Instead Joline said she'd take us to the market and downtown Jeremie.

So we drove down the hill and parked near a shop of a friend of Joline's and headed off on foot to "see the town". It was so crazy as you looked around. There was trash everywhere, and water seemed to be constantly running down the streets from somewhere. Lots of men were lined up along the sides of the streets with their dirt bikes & motorcycles using the water running down the hill to wash them. (some things transcend culture!) The shops all looked like they were going to come crashing down at any moment. And the people were such a variety! You had young women who were absolutely beautiful and wearing jeans and a nice shirt and had their hair done and make-up on like anyone we might pass on the street in the United States. Then you had people who were dirty and thin and had rags for clothing.

We made our way to the market which was made up of 4 whittled trees/sticks with a piece of cloth over the top for a roof and makeshift tables made out of scrap lumber and/or cardboard. On these things you could find a variety of items. Things like fruits & vegetables (passion fruit, coconuts, yams, etc) to toy whistles and dolls like you would find in any American Dollar Store. There were only a couple of places we found where someone was actually making something and selling it. Everywhere else people were selling things that were imported from another country.

The worst place had to be as we walked through the meat market. There they had hacked up goats, chickens, cows, pigs and placed the cut meat on strips of cardboard. The flies were all over the pieces of meat and if someone approached to purchase something the person who was selling would simply wave their hand over the meat and ask which piece they want. That was gross.

After we had been walking for about 2 hours, we stopped at a little cafe called "Chez Patou". It was a nice respite and we were able to have a coke (16 oz in a glass bottle) for .50 and Joline & I shared some chocolate ice cream. After we were finished we walked around for a bit more and headed back to the Moores.

That night we had fried goat, legumes, cornmeal, black bean sauce, and fried plantains with cabbage for supper. It was a typical Haitian meal. Not one that I hope to have again anytime soon though. The goat wasn't bad, it had a venison type flavor, but the cornmeal, legumes and black bean sauce wasn't something that I could even eat a whole helping of. A couple of bites and I said I had to pass :)

Tuesday, November 28

Squawk, EEk, Squawk, arf, arf, arf. What? What time is it? Oh of course--around 3am. This morning the crows decided to awaken us, along with a dog that would not stop yapping. This time I didn't think sleep would ever come. It did, but then I had to force myself awake at 7am so we could get moving for today's journey.

But wait..we're down some people. Overnight Eddie & Joline have both gotten sick. Not good. Both complaining of fever and stomach troubles. Steve is barely up on his feet but is determined to at least drive us up to Gatineau so we can have a "look see". Steve got a Haitian man to come along to guide us to the Mozal school in Gatineau so that Steve could rest in the truck. After another hour long truck ride just to go 10 miles, we stop at the bottom of a hill. We all jump out and Tijon (pronounced tee-john), takes us on about a 15 minute walk up to the school.

At first glance the school looks very similar to the old style hog farms--a long concrete building with a tin roof. You enter and it is filled with one hundred young minds eager to learn. They sit on planks of wood formed together to make a bench, with another plank of wood that is set up higher for them to put their books on as a desk. It is one long piece so that at least 5 to 10 kids can fit on each. There are pieces of slate attached to the concrete walls for chalkboards and there are 3 men there to teach these young people.
They are beautiful. They are why we are here. They are the future of Haiti and they need hope. That they will be able to grow and realize dreams. They need to know Jesus.

We spent very little time at the school. Fran, our fearless leader, knows very little Creole. The head school teacher apologizes and says "English is very difficult for me." Tijon knows no English. So we smile and take a few pictures and then walk back down the hill to the truck.

We then go a few miles to the site where the clinic will be built. This is the reason we came. I wanted to see it before anything ever started. That way in the years to come as we build the clinic and the hospitals and the schools I will be able to see and know all the things God has done. That He is allowing me to be a part of. I don't want to forget.

The land is beautiful, tropical, spacious. There is a lot of clearing to be done, a lot of work. But the faces of the children remind me why it is so important.

We got back in the truck and as we started back down the mountain Steve stops and picks up various people to give them a ride. One of the people he picks up has a beautiful baby girl. Probably not more than 2 months old. Those big black eyes looked at me and I felt my heart break. What will life be like for this little girl? Will she grow up healthy? Will she learn to read and write? Will she know the love of God? Who will teach her? Who will love her? Who will show her God's love? God spoke to my heart, "Whatever you did for the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."

It doesn't get more "least of these" in Haiti than a newborn baby girl. And there she was right there in the truck with me and all I could give was the prayer in my heart--"Lord, protect this one. Bring her to you. And don't let me forget today."

We dropped the young lady and the baby off on the side of the road when we got back to town. She was taking produce to town to sell. At the end of her long day she will probably make the long walk back up the mountain, with baby in tow. I can't imagine her life. I feel so spoiled.

The rest of the evening was spent repacking bags and getting things picked up. Josh and I snuck away for an hour or so to the top of the Moore's house. It was a gorgeous night. The moon was bright and the stars were everywhere. There was such a feeling of closeness to God. There was such a peace. At the same time there was an urgency in my heart of the seeds God had planted there. There was an excitement of what God could ask of us next. And there was also fear, that I wouldn't be brave enough or strong enough or I would become complacent and content in my own comfortable world and would forget what I heard, saw, and felt.

But the night was getting late, and morning would be soon.

Wednesday, November 29

Of course, last night--why wouldn't I wake at 3am. This time it seems to be quite the chorus. Someone snoring, the crows squawking, a dog yapping, and a rooster. Lovely. Snoozed until 5am.

Then it was rush, rush, rush. Got everything? Double check the bags, get all the beds taken down. Get everything in the truck. Give Joline a quick hug goodbye, promise to write, pray that she gets better quickly. Then back in the truck for the last trip down the mountain.

It was to be a long day anyway--up at 5am and not getting to the Indy airport until midnight and then another 2 hour car ride home. But the day seemed to drag as flights were delayed and time seem to slow down. But all in all, the trip home was uneventful and everyone was safe. Exhausted, but safe.

The best part of the return trip was coming out of the terminal to see my three kids waiting (somewhat impatiently) with Laura. To see their smiles and them run to jump in our arms--that was the best. Leaving them was so hard. But not following what God asked of me would have been much harder. Because I don't care if I'm a famous person or if I make a million dollars a year, or even if I'm the best parent ever. I want to know that when all is said and done that my kids know that I lived my life doing what God asked me to do and laying my life down for Him.

2006-08-31T09:02:00.000-05:00

DIFFICULT

JonE, my youngest child's pet rabbit died last night. Ugh. What a night. We got home from a birthday party for my niece in Effingham and was getting ready for bed. I went up to check on the boys and see if they were finished brushing their teeth when I noticed the rabbit laying down in the cage. Sure enough, it wasn't moving. Even when I bumped the cage.

So I got Josh and yep, JonE had passed on. What a terrible thing to have to turn to our 7 year old and let him know that his pet had died. Lots of tears from EVERYONE! All the kids were upset and hurt, and Josh and I's heart broke for them. There's nothing you can do to help them feel better about the situation, because there is nothing about the situation to feel better about.

Our daughter got one of her baby doll blankets for us to wrap JonE in and we used a shoebox to put him in. And at 10:30 at night, after holding our disraught little boy for a half an hour, my husband dug a hole in the backyard for this little rabbit to be laid to rest. I am so proud to be married to Josh. He is such an awesome dad and phenomenal man. He was so "there" for our kids and allowed them to feel the pain of the moment and treated the situation with respect and love. What a great guy.

To some people the death of a pet rabbit probably seems kind of silly. Burying the thing and all that. But to people who have pets that have become part of the family, part of daily life--I know you totally get the pain of last night.

2006-04-10T09:25:00.000-05:00

BLINK

Snap! I think I have discovered my new favorite author! Ted Dekker. I heard about him from my friend Brian and his friend Sherri (sorry if I misspelled her name!). It was a while back. But anyway I was looking for something new to read and decided to try him out.

He's AWESOME! I read THR3E first and then I just finished Blink on Saturday. Well done. Couldn't put either of them down. Looking forward to picking up another one of his!

He does a great job of building suspense and keep you just enough in the dark to keep it entertaining without being totally confused. And he also tackles a difficult theological issue.

Loved it!

2006-04-06T23:52:00.000-05:00

We watched Primetime tonight and it was interesting. There were several different things they talked about but the one that amazed me the most was about these people who desperately want to be handicapped. They want to cut off parts of their bodies. It’s an obsession. The thing that scared me the most is that the interviewer was actually talking to these people like they were intelligent people who knew exactly what they were talking about? This husband was supportive of his wife’s desire and decided to help her instead of hindering her process so that she doesn’t kill herself. I guess I can understand the feeling of not knowing what else to do. I mean you wouldn’t want your spouse to die. You’d rather have a spouse with no legs then no spouse at all. But why not try psychiatric care first? There is obviously something messed up in her head if she desires to cut her legs off?

My husband made an interesting observation (which he usually does) and he said it was the extreme of body modification. He said you have those people who pierce their ears, then various body parts, tattoos, bars and gages, things implanted in their skin, plastic surgery etc. It’s just the next level. I think I would put these people on a different level then people who want tattoos. But I guess there is a logic in the thinking. People are always wanting to push the envelope. They desire to be different. To stand out. To have people notice them.

2006-04-06T13:31:00.000-05:00

It's happened! I am currently reading 3 nonfiction books and 1 fiction book! I always tease Brian because he is reading all these different books all at once and I said it would drive me crazy to do that. But I have several books I wanted to read and couldn't decide which one to start with so I just started them all. It is kind of confusing as to which book I read what in, but it's helping me be better with journaling what I'm thinking so that is helpful.

The small group thing seems to be going well. People are having fun--at least they say they are :) And Josh and I are having a good time. It's good just to hang out with people and laugh. It's life!

2006-03-27T09:14:00.000-06:00

Your Seduction Style: The Natural

You don't really try to seduce people... it just seems to happen.
Fun loving and free spirited, you bring out the inner child in people.
You are spontaneous, sincere, and unpretentious - a hard combo to find!
People drop their guard around you, and find themselves falling fast.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

2006-03-03T08:13:00.000-06:00

SMALL GROUP?

My husband and I enjoy hosting small groups. Ok correct that, I enjoy hosting small groups. I like having people in my home and being together. But as I asked my husband what "book" we should do next or what group of people we should invite, I got an interesting response. I found out that he hasn't really enjoyed any of the small groups we've been in thus far. He's not "in" to reading the latest book or debating any theologies. Instead he said, "Ya know, I'd like to have some people come over every week that we play cards with." Then he told me how his parents used to get together with the same people every week and play cards and the kids ran around and played together and he just thought that was really cool. My first thought was (ashamedly), "that would be pointless". No book? No in-depth discussion? Just hanging out? What a waste of time.

But then I realized, it's not a waste of time. It would be spending time with other people. Building relationships with them (which I am not good at). Becoming friends with them and just "being". I'm not good at "being". I'm a "doing" kind of girl. Everything in life does not have to be for a certain outcome. It can be just for the sake of what it is.

In this goal-oriented, bottom line world--I forget that. If my small group weren't to open people's minds or teach them a new truth or deepen their relationship with God in some way (within the 13 weeks of course) then I would feel like I failed. I'm an end result kind of person, and whatever means gets me to the end result is ok. But this small group will be different. There is no expected end result--no measure to whether it succeeded or failed. It will just "be". And honestly I'm really excited about it.

Tonight at 7pm will be our first "party". I'm not even sure what to call it, maybe it doesn't need a name. It just "is".

So if you need something to do on a Friday night, head over to the Ridgleys and bring a snack!

2006-01-25T14:38:00.000-06:00

LOST SIGHT OF ME

This may sound strange. But I have come to a realization that I have done the very thing I never wanted to do in my adult life and that is, I've let others dictate how I act, think, and feel. I worry way too much about how others view me and I have allowed it to rob me of a lot of joy and self-confidence in my life. I wish I could say that I am going to stop that this very instant, but it's unrealistic. So instead, I'm going to be thankful that I have seen this in myself and trust God that I can rely on Him to refocus my attention back to how He views me.

2005-10-03T08:50:00.000-05:00

TP-ed

Not sure how you spell it, but we got toilet papered last night! It was our first time! lol The kids were all trying to figure out who did it. I have no idea, we have a few guesses, but really it could be anyone. The kids are so excited. They don't realize, they will have to pick it up after school. I figured I would wait to burst their bubble this afternoon when they got home.

2005-09-26T16:19:00.000-05:00

BEAUTIFUL DAY!

It is such a gorgeous day outside! I just can't believe it! It was fun walking home with the kids from school. Thanks God for a nice afternoon!

2005-05-16T08:56:00.000-05:00

WHAT A CROCK!

I missed the first hour of Survivor last night--I am so aggravated at our cable company. For the past 3 months (at least) CBS has been blacked out on Channel 3 and we have to watch Survivor on Channel 10. Well there is an hour delay as well between the channels, so on Ch.3 Survivor is on at 7pm and on Ch.10 it's on at 8pm. I checked yesterday on the tvguide online and it showed the same for this week. So last night Josh and I peeked at 7 to see if Ch.3 was up or not and it wasn't so we watched Extreme Home Makeover and the turned to Ch. 10 at 8pm to watch Survivor and it was already starting it's 2nd hour. ARGH! Talk about frustrated!

But anyway, on to what happened on the show-- I cannot believe that Ian hung on the thing for 11 hours and 55 minutes and then decides to step off and not go to tribal council. That's just crazy. I can't believe everyone made him feel so bad for flipping on his alliance. GOOD GRIEF! It's a game, a game of deception, manipulation, and betrayal. If you can't handle people using you, don't go to the game! Katie & Tom both would have cut Ian loose or betrayed him at any point when they felt he threatened their game. Talk about irritating.

So Tom wins--no surprise there. And he is a tough guy and he did what it took to get there. I'm just frustrated because no one took him out when they had the chance. He was an obvious person who needed to go early on but no one had the guts. They all talked about how Stephanie was too tough to stay, but HELLO, this guy won 5 of the 7 individual immunity challenges. How dumb can you be?

Anyway, it's frustrating but it's over. I found this season to be extremely disappointing. I thought it was one of the cruddiest batch of players thus far. It was so predictable! Ugh.

Ok, so I'm done now. I guess I'm gonna have to go check out some books because all my shows have wrapped up for the season!

2005-05-13T10:47:00.000-05:00

WHO'S TAKING IT HOME?

Ok, so we all know that I enjoy reality TV, and it's May so the shows are wrapping it up!

AMAZING RACE:

Well, my first pick in Rob & Amber didn't work out--they got second. But I was THRILLED Uchenna & Joyce made it! They were an awesome couple and I'm so glad that their integrity paid off. (If you didn't catch the show, Uchenna and Joyce were at the finish line location but wouldn't go in until they had paid their cabbie his full fare! They had to beg people in the area for money)

AMERICAN IDOL:

Bo, Carrie, or Vonzell (sp?)? Who will it be? Personally I think that Bo should win it, but obviously Vonzell has a lot of fan support or she would have been history a LONG time ago! She's a terrific performer--lots of fun to watch but her vocals are just ok in my opinion. Carrie is a good performer and has a good voice, but she's not like "wow". And Bo is great, as long as it's his genre. He has a GREAT voice and is a good performer, but he kind of does the same thing over and over when he performs--that rocker look, pick up the mic stand. But we will see.

SURVIVOR:

The best reality tv series in my not so humble opinion. Honestly these are probably some of the worst players I've watched in awhile. They're not so bright--unless they are editing things funny this year. I was glad to see Caryn go last night. She's not very good at the game and is too much of a swing vote. It was a brilliant move for Jen, because now she can sidle up to Tom and more than likely get seat number 2 if Tom wins immunity and keeps her. My picks for this year were Stephanie or Ian and seeing how Ian is the only one left-I guess I'm rooting for him. Josh and I think maybe Ian might be in love with Katie, or at least infatuated with her, just because of the big boo hoo scene last night. He was genuinely tore up about her hurt feelings. I think it would be really hard to keep emotions in check in this game. I know that when I sit down to play poker with my friends they are going to do whatever they can to bluff me so that they can win the hand and it's not because they don't like me or they want to hurt me, it's because they want to win the game. They are going to use whatever they know about me, against me. And that's what Survivor does as well. You use whatever you learn against the other players so you can come out on top. But if you forget that it's a game and make it personal than you can get your feelings hurt really easily. People must lie to you and get you to trust them and then betray you. It's the only way you can win. The only way that you get around that is if your allies get beat out earlier in the game and you're on your own to jump from group to group to make your way to the top.

Well, I'll definitely be watching...

2005-02-11T14:01:00.000-06:00

LOVE IS IN THE AIR

1. What is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for you?
One time Josh (my husband) ordered pizza after the kids went to bed and we sat on our front porch in candlelight and enjoyed a late night snack and quiet conversation. It was for no reason except just to spend some time together.

2. Who was your first love?
I'm not sure, because I have learned so much about love since being married that I now know that even when I got married I didn't have a very good grasp on love. My first "crush" would have been around 4th grade and it was on Tommy Bell.

3. Chocolates, flowers, or something else?
Anything that shows forethought. That's what I appreciate about gifts the most--not what it is really, but that the person took the time to find something they thought I would like.

4. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Absolutely not. I do believe in attraction, infatuation, and that tingling sensation you get at first sight--but not love. Love takes time and it's less about you and more about the other person. At first sight would just be about you.

5. What do you have planned for this Valentine's Day?
My mom is coming over and I am fixing a special valentine's day dinner.

2005-02-04T10:11:00.000-06:00

THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE NIGHT

1. Have you ever tried meditation?
I have tried to sit still for awhile and relax and try to focus on God. But I have never meditated nor been successful at sitting still and clearing my mind. The only time I have ever come close to clearing my mind is during extreme pain when I had to focus so that it wouldn't hurt so bad. I wish I could.

2. Do you pray?
Yep. I'm not the type who has a specific time I pray or way I pray or place I pray. It's more like a continual conversation. There have been times when I have literally "gotten on my knees" to pray, but it's not an everyday stance I take.

3. Worst nightmare:
I'm not sure it's my worst, but it's definitely reoccurring and is difficult to shake. I dream of tornadoes. Sometimes people I love are swept away, sometimes I am swept away, sometimes I am successful in keeping my family safe. It's odd.

4. Do trolls live under your bed?
Umm. no.

5. Make a wish:
It's the same one I always make--I wish that my children would grow up to be happy, healthy, and most of all will know and love Jesus.

2005-01-31T14:18:00.000-06:00

REALITY TV

I just can't help it, I love reality tv. Not all of it, mind you. Josh and I have been getting into the Extreme Home Makeover that is led by Ty Pennington (you might know him from Trading Spaces). A group of designers choose a family and then completely tear down their existing home and construct a new one in its place! It is phenomenal what they do in 7 days! Talk about changing people's lives--changing the world one home at a time. I applaud Ty and crew for what they are doing and for coming up with an awesome show. Our kids love to watch as well! (It's on Sunday nights at 7pm on ABC.)

2005-01-29T10:41:00.000-06:00

IT'S SNOWING!

The big beautiful flake kind of snow! It's gorgeous! I could watch it for hours. Cup of hot tea, warm blanket, good book, low lights and just sit and watch the snow.

2005-01-28T14:25:00.000-06:00

FRIDAY FIVER

Some time ago I participated in a "Friday Five" blog where the contributor would post 5 questions for you to copy and paste to your own blog and then answer them. It was a fun way to have something to talk about. Well that blog ceased to exist, but I have found MANY other blogs with the same idea. So after perusing a couple (i'm not a big shop around kind of gal), I picked Friday Fiver

Here you go...

1. Do you use profanity?
Are we in a court of law?--do I have to just answer the question or do I get to explain? lol Yes I use profanity. I have used it in times of anger, I have used it to tell a joke, I have used it to make a point, and I have used it in reference to what someone said. But is it a regular part of my vocabulary--no.

2. What are your favorite words of frustration?
Farfanugen or Dang it or That Sucks

3. Did your parents ever swear in front of you?
Yes. My mom usually did when she was really really mad. But it was more of a rarity than a daily occurrence.

4. Do you think films should be rated based on the language they use?
Yes I do. I get frustrated especially at PG rated movies for the language. Usually they have a really fun story, but then they add the language and spoil it. My kids (the boys especially) enjoy repeating lines from movies and so I'm leary of allowing them to watch movies that have profanity.

5. If you could curse out someone right now, who would it be?
I'm not mad at anyone right now, so I don't have a desire to curse out anyone. (As a side note, I'm not sure I have ever "cursed out" someone..I've thought about it, but I don't think I ever have.)

2005-01-27T15:32:00.000-06:00

INTERESTING

It is interesting to me that I am a person who rarely has nothing to say, but yet I find it difficult to blog consistently. I'm always grasping for something to type about! It makes me stop and wonder, do I really say anything of worth all day?

2004-11-16T13:35:00.000-06:00

I AM SO GRATEFUL!

Yesterday I took my middle child to the doctor and then let him hang out with me all day instead of going back to school (I know, I'm an awful parent). We went to Wal-Mart to get groceries and as we were leaving we walked past the Salvation Army Bell Ringer. As we were making our way to our van, my son says to me, "Oh man that bell is so annoying, I wish he would quit ringing it." I kind of chuckled and then told him why the bell ringer was there. I explained to him that some people aren't able to come to Wal-Mart every week and buy a cart full of groceries to take home, that sometimes people don't have anything to eat and the bell ringers collect all the change to help out families in need. My son looked at me and said "Really?" and then I could see the little wheels turning in his mind. Then he said, "So instead of getting this soda and candy, I could have gave money to the bell ringer so someone else could eat?"

I was surprised at the level of understanding. Dumbfounded by the obvious conviction he just felt and how he knew that a soda and candy weren't worth having if someone else wasn't going to get anything to eat. I knew it was a God moment, one of those wonderful jewels that would be something that would stick in his mind for a long time.

I said to him that it is ok for us to have special treats. That God doesn't mind us getting fun things for ourselves or enjoying the money He's given us. But that He does expect us to share our money and our things with people who need it. Then he asks me, "Can we give some money?" and before I answered God spoke to my heart and said that we needed to pray and give Him a chance to speak to my son. So we sat down on the edge of the van and asked God how much money He would like us to give. When we said amen, my son told me how much God had asked him to give and we got into my purse and got the money and walked back up front and put the money in the pot.

On the walk back to the van I told my son that I was proud of him for doing what God asked him to do and he said, "I'm proud of myself!"

Thanks God for the reminder that my money is not mine, but just a loan from you to do the work you ask me to do. Thanks for loving my son and working in his heart.

2004-09-27T10:38:00.000-05:00

CAMPOREE

I am my daughter's Girl Scout Leader and this weekend my Assistant Troop Leader & I took 5 of our scouts to Camp Na Wa Kwa in Poland, IN. We had a GREAT time! The weather was absolutely gorgeous. The girls were very good. And it was a lot of fun!

I think my favorite thing was Human Bowling. We had these scooters that the girls sat on and then we pushed them across the room into "pins" (large size cans--2 taped together). Oh my gosh, it was so much fun.

Then of course there were fun Girl Scout songs, campfire, hikes, s'mores, and meeting new friends!

It was great to take a couple of days to invest in my daughter and her friends and many girls that I might not ever see again, but hopefully helped feel important and special if even for a couple hours.

2004-09-22T14:30:00.000-05:00

NORMAL?

Ok, so we are into week 5 of school for the kids, week 3 of working at preschool, and day 6 of having a dog. So when do things get back to normal? Normal is not even an issue really with me, a routine would be nice.

My house was clean (at least very well picked up) on Monday night for Bible Study and, I kid you not, it is trashed today! There are papers piled up all over my desk and all around my office, the dishes are stacked and my "to do" list seems to get longer every second!

The end of the school year was busy, the summer was busy, and I kept saying that when school starts things will slow down, but it seems like I'm picking up speed!

So again I ask..when will things go back to normal? Normal? I laugh. There is no such thing.

2004-09-18T07:42:00.000-05:00

NEW ADDITION

Nope, we're not building on to our home. We have a new addition to our family--a puppy! We have been talking about getting one for quite awhile and then our oldest son decided that a pet is what he would like for his birthday so we started a serious search. We found one in Paris, IL who is 3 months old, a Jack Russell Terrier/Beagle Mix. He's a VERY good dog. He's very close to being completely potty trained--as long as you let him out frequently and watch him after he eats. He's the right blend of active/cuddly. He likes to play and run, but he's not constantly chewing on the kids or jumping on them and he doesn't just sit there shivering..lol I think it's going to be a good match for us. At least I hope. OH and he likes cats, which is quite important considering our daughter has a cat..lol Now the cat isn't so crazy about him, but she'll come around.

2004-09-09T14:05:00.000-05:00

FIRST DAY!

Here I am! I made it through my first day. Of course today was more like a trial run because we split the class in half and took each half for only 1 hour. We had 5 for the first hour and 2 for the second (I know, that's not half and half). One student has a really bad cold, so we won't get to meet her until next Tuesday.

Overall it went really well. The first hour we had 4 boys and 1 girl. The girl was a bit timid, and I couldn't blame her with all those boys! For the most part the kids listened and followed instructions. The second hour was awkward with only 2 kids. Time seemed to go really slow and it was really quiet.

I am still a bit nervous about the job. I like to know what's going on and how things are supposed to go before everything actually happens and unfortunately for me, my employers seem to be more of the fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants type people. Which I can be when I'm comfortable, but since I'm not comfortable it's really aggravating. I made mention today to the other teacher that I work really well with explicit instructions and I would rather do things the way she wanted the first time instead of having to be told afterwards that I did something incorrectly.

Case in point.. Last week I asked what the dress code was. I was informed it was casual, but no jeans. Ok no problem. Today I find out that khaki shorts are not ok. What was I wearing today? Khaki shorts. Ugh. I didn't have to go home and change, but it was rather frustrating that it wasn't more clear last week to avoid this problem. So I pressed a bit and found out that dresses and skirts need to be past the knee (which makes sense since we'll be on the floor alot). Again, information that is needed when buying clothing for the new job!!!!!!!!!!

I'm trying not to tense up about the situation. I know it will work out ok, it's just that perfectionistic nature creeping out.

On a different note, we got back the IOWA Test Scores from last year for our middle son and he scored a 95% overall and in Vocabulary he scored a 99%! We were blown away! I am so proud of him!

2004-09-02T11:24:00.000-05:00

CHANGES!

Ok, so we've been in school for a week now and I have yet to create a new routine for myself. This is going to be more difficult than I thought!

Oh and did I mention that I have added a couple things to my schedule so that I won't be so lonesome without the kids? Yeah, now I work 10 hours (from home--God is so cool) for The Crossover, I took a new job at the Sonshine Center (a preschool/daycare center) where I will be working 6 hours a week (an hour more than I thought), I'm still my daughter's Girl Scout Troop leader PLUS I added on being the Girl Scout Recruiter for our town (there are 3 of us on a team), also I am getting involved in a ladies' bible study on Friday mornings in the Ashmore area and they have chosen a daily devotional type book PLUS I have volunteered to lead a bible study out of my home once a week through my church which also happens to be a daily devotional type book.

I suddenly don't feel so lonesome--lol.

It's good, really it is. I have only cried once over my youngest going to Kindergarten, which is a grand improvement to when my oldest went--I cried every morning on the way home after dropping her off--for the whole school year.

Now I have to find balance. And no, Brian, I am not going back to school this year--but I do appreciate you encouraging me! I think my plate is full for now.

So more on the new job after my first day. I met the kids Tuesday night at the Open House, it will be interesting! Lots of nervous parents!

I appreciate your prayers!

2004-08-12T10:22:00.000-05:00

SOAP BOX TIME

I can't believe how our justice system is weak on sex offenders. If you haven't heard, Ronnie Johnson, 53 year old male from rural Kansas, kidnapped, raped, and then tied a 13 year old girl to a tree stabbed her three times and left her for dead. The man was placed on probation in 1988 for criminal sexual assault with a victim under 18 and then his probation was revoked in 1992 for aggravated criminal sexual abuse with a victim under the age of 13! HELLO??????? What is he doing out? You can read the story here.

I also saw on WTHI Channel 10 news this morning that this man also victimized his step-daughters. The one who was in the interview said the abuse occurred as far back as kindergarten through age 14, happening at least once sometimes twice a day.

I am definitely for harsh penalties for sex offenders. These offenders are known to repeat the crime. Check out this site to read about a study done in 1994 about sex offenders. It said on average, the offenders only served 3½ years of their 8 year terms and compared to non-sex offenders released from State prisons, sex offenders are 4 times more likely to be rearrested for a sex crime.

What is the deal with our laws? Why aren't we doing a better job protecting our children and other innocent victims? 1 time can be attributed to a mistake, too much to drink, a problem, but when someone harms another person and pays their "debt to society" and turns around and does the SAME CRIME again--come on. It's time to put these guys away for good. And yes I know that means higher taxes for more prisons and guards and space. So be it. We gotta do something.

Ok, I'll step down. It just sickens me is all.

2004-08-06T10:19:00.000-05:00

HOWDY!

The Village, was VERY good! Wonderfully creepy! I love M. Night Shyalaman's stuff. The guy tells a great mystery! Definitely see it. (As far as teens go, I think this one might be ok, unless your teen struggles with scary stuff.)

I finished the book, The Last Juror by John Grisham. It was good, not great. But a pretty good story. That was the first book I've read of his. I like his stories that have been turned into movies--The Firm, The Pelican Brief, A Time to Kill etc. I thought it was kind of funny, I was reading the author's note at the end of the book and he states very clearly that he took poetic license in the time frame and actual events of desegregation in Mississippi, so please don't write him and tell him how he got it wrong. I thought that was so funny!

18 more days and school starts here! Crazy! This summer flew by!

2004-07-30T11:08:00.000-05:00

DATE!

Going out with my hubby tonight! We are going to see The Village (We love M. Night Shyamalan's stuff!) and then for supper. Josh's 13 year old brother is going to babysit..so we'll see if we have a house left when we get home. :) Just teasing! He's a good kid.

2004-07-29T15:27:00.000-05:00

PRAYER!

There are a couple situations going on in our family that we could really use some prayer over. I don't feel like I can really share the details at this point, but we definitely need some guidance. Thanks for your prayers!

2004-07-27T12:46:00.000-05:00

LONG WEEKEND

Whew, what a week, and what a weekend! Seemed like I was swamped everyday from the time I got up until bedtime!

Bagelfest was, let's just say interesting. I had some really odd things happen to me, that have never happened before. My good friend Danelle, reminded me that these are the people God wants to reach, regardless of whether we want to reach them or not.

It was a good reminder. Because all weekend I was amazed/shocked/and even angered by people's behavior and what I really wanted to do was say that I would never do this again. It's not worth it.

How selfish of me. God never says that about me. It doesn't make people's behavior ok, but it does give me a bigger picture of what God is about.

So God, if you want us at Bagelfest next year, I will help put it together. And thanks for the people who were really grateful.

2004-07-20T19:15:00.000-05:00

BAGELFEST

The Crossover (my church) is passing out popsicles and doing face painting for free at Bagelfest! (Bagelfest is a festival put-on annually in Mattoon, IL.) We've done it in the past and it has been a lot of fun. This year I've been discouraged by the lack of interest (or what seemed to be) in participating. This morning I was presently surprised when 4 people showed up to help me setup the booth and decorate it! It was so nice to work together with some other people toward a common goal. So thanks to Jim Donnell, Robin Gardner, Nikki Greer, & Jami McCONNAHA for coming out! (Special thanks to Jordan Ridgley, my brother-in-law who came out and helped too!)

2004-07-15T16:46:00.000-05:00

PERSPECTIVE

Ok, so I didn't go back and finish up the dishes. I decided to check out some blogs first. And I'm glad it did, because God whammed me upside the head (as He often lovingly does :) )

I checked out this http://www.urbanonramps.blogspot.com blog that my friend Brian had on his blog and my "perspective" was definitely changed. You'll have to go there and read the latest post to see what I mean, but I need to update my list...

IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS

Like, when your monitor on your computer goes out, you have an awesome friend who is willing to loan you another.

Like, when outlook express won't let you see your emails, you can be thankful that you use hotmail and can check your email anyway.

Like, when your children aren't getting along, it means they are in the house with you and healthy and ok.

Like, when you and your husband are just in a "blah" stage, it doesn't mean anything except that you're just both feeling "blah" and you'll get over it!

Like, when you have severe headaches because of weather changes, you know that it will eventually pass and there is nothing seriously wrong.

Like, when you have pop-up ads that drive you insane, it reminds you that you really shouldn't be surfing the web anyway, go play with your kids!

Like, when you let your dishes pile up and you have to wash them all by hand--be thankful that you have a house, with dishes, and had food to put on/in those dishes, and now you are healthy enough to wash those dishes!

Thanks for the perspective God!

2004-07-15T16:23:00.000-05:00

IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS

Like, the monitor for your computer going out.

Like, Outlook Express not allowing you to view your emails.

Like, your children not getting along.

Like, you and your spouse, not fighting, but not really getting along either.

Like, having severe headaches because of the frequently changing weather.

Like, pop-up ads that take up your entire screen and you can do nothing to stop them.

Like, allowing your dishes to pile up and then having to face cleaning them all--by hand.

So I'm venting. Kill me. This week has been filled with the "little things". The little things which seem to set me off. I don't know what my deal is, but these little things get under my skin and cause me to want to explode. (maybe there really is some truth to that personality quiz..lol)

Anyway, I'll be fine. Really I will. Just had to get it off my chest. Now I'll go finish up those blessed dishes!

2004-07-08T09:38:00.000-05:00

Fun Quizzes!

20 Questions to a Better Personality

Wackiness: 26/100
Rationality: 30/100
Constructiveness: 30/100
Leadership: 48/100

You are an SEDF--Sober Emotional Destructive Follower. This makes you an evil genius. You are extremely focused and difficult to distract from your tasks. With luck, you have learned to channel your energies into improving your intellect, rather than destroying the weak and unsuspecting.

Your friends may find you remote and a hard nut to crack. Few of your peers know you very well--even those you have known a long time--because you have expert control of the face you put forth to the world. You prefer to observe, calculate, discern and decide. Your decisions are final, and your desire to be right is impenetrable.

You are not to be messed with. You may explode.

20 Questions to being a better person

Your score as a human being is 35.55.

Good Lord. You have some severe deficits of people quality. Who do you hang out with? Who do you date? What is your deal? I hope at least your grooming is good.

There is hope for you, of course. Rededicate yourself to the greater good. Plant a tree. Volunteer at a soup kitchen. Anything, for the love of Pete.

Self-esteem is good, but without other-esteem it doesn't get you very far.

Jung Typology Test

I took this test with a Star Wars twist a month or so ago. I got a different result this time. Last time I was a ENFP. Go figure :)

Provider Guardians [ESFJs] take it upon themselves to arrange for the health and welfare of those in their care, but they are also the most sociable of all the Guardians, and thus are the great nurturers of established institutions such as schools, businesses, churches, social clubs, and civic groups. Wherever they go, Providers take up the role of social contributor, happily giving their time and energy to make sure that the needs of others are met, that traditions are supported and developed, and that social functions are a success.

Providers are very likely more than ten percent of the population, and this is very fortunate for the rest of us, because friendly social service is a key to their nature. Highly cooperative themselves, Providers are skilled in maintaining teamwork among their helpers, and are also tireless in their attention to the details of furnishing goods and services. They make excellent chairpersons in charge of social events. They are without peer as masters of ceremonies, able to approach others with ease and confidence, and seemingly aware of what everyone’s been doing. And they are outstanding hosts or hostesses, able to remember people’s names, usually after one introduction, and always concerned about the needs of their guests, wanting to insure that all are involved and provided for.

Providers are extremely sensitive to the feelings of others, which makes them perhaps the most sympathetic of all the types, but which also leaves them rather self-conscious, that is, highly sensitive to what others think of them. Because of this Providers can be crushed by personal criticism, and will work most effectively when given ample appreciation both for themselves personally and for the service they give to others. This is not to say that Providers are afraid to express their own emotional reactions. They are quick to like and dislike—and don’t mind saying so—tending to put on a pedestal whatever or whoever they admire, and to come down hard on those people and issues they don’t care for.

In their choice of careers, Providers may lean toward sales and service occupations. They have such pleasant, outgoing personalities that they are far and away the best sales reps, not only regularly winning sales contests, but earning seniority in any sales group within an organization. Observing ESFJs at work in a sales transaction reveals clearly how this type personalizes the sale. They are visibly—and honestly—concerned with their customer’s welfare, and thus the customer is not simply buying the product, but is buying personally from the Provider. This same characteristic causes them to be good in many people-to-people jobs, as teachers, clergy, coaches, social workers, office receptionists, and so on. Providers seldom become a source of irritation in the workplace; on the contrary, they are unflagging in their devotion to their company, and show such personal loyalty to their immediate superiors that they make invaluable personal secretaries.

Guess I have some work to do huh? lol :) Thanks to Brian for the links!

2004-07-06T12:32:00.000-05:00

WHAT TO DO

I don't like feeling helpless. I have done everything that I can think of over the years to learn how to deal with every situation that comes to me. I've learned how to lean on God to get me through the tough times and to give me the wisdom I need to make it through. But there are still times when God just allows me to suffer through, and not to be able to solve a problem or help in any way.

I'm there now. There are 3 situations that have occurred in the last week that have made me feel so helpless and confused as to what the next step should be. So I'm waiting, impatiently mind you :), and hurting.

I'm not saying this is a bad thing. I have complete faith that God will use this time for whatever He purposes. But it still hurts.

2004-06-29T23:06:00.000-05:00

I WON!

My husband and I enjoy playing poker (Texas Hold 'Em specifically). We got started by watching the World Poker Tour on the Travel channel and then got online into a couple of poker sites and have since really gotten involved in the strategy of it.

We've been playing for at least 3 or 4 months (I think more, but I'm not sure). And I have yet to win a tournament. I have gotten 2nd NUMEROUS times and have done really well just playing at a regular table, but I have NEVER beaten everyone in a tourney! And tonight--I DID! I was so excited! It's just for play money, but it was still fun!

To make it even better, the tide really turned when I got pocket deuces (translation for non-poker players: dealt a pair of 2s) while I was in the big blind (translation for non-poker players: kind of like a forced ante) and I raised. The other 2 players went all-in and I called and ended up with 10s and 2s, and they got nothing. One guy had more than I did, so he got some money back ($495), but wasn't able to recover!

Go me :)

2004-06-29T10:38:00.000-05:00

POISON IVY

All three of my children have poison ivy. The youngest just has like 4 little spots on his arm, but my middle son has it ALL OVER! My daughter has it pretty bad as well, but it seems to be containing itself.

So we all trooped to the doctor's office yesterday to make sure it was just poison ivy and to get some meds to help it clear up. We sat in the waiting room for 45 minutes. Then we sat in the little exam room for 15 minutes. And we spoke to the doctor for all of 5 minutes. I kid you not. I timed it, and 5 minutes is rounding up.

What is the deal with that? You call and make an appointment, you would think this would help. But no, it just ensures you will get seen that day. It drives me insane. I am not a patient person anyway and then when I have to sit and wait, it just gets me all riled up.

AND THEN, we had to go to Wal-mart to get the prescriptions filled. She said it would take 15 minutes. That's fine. So I go to a pay phone to call my hubby to let him know that I'll be able to pick him up from work, and we browse through the shoes and look at a few other things and 15 minutes later we walk over to the pharmacy to pick up our prescriptions and she says that it's not done yet, it'll be a few minutes.

Ok, so we stand there in the medicine aisle, because I really need to get going to pick up my hubby on time. The kids are being rowdy because they are tired of being still, so they're playing London Bridge and some kind of Kung-Fu fighting game. And the lady who told me it will be just a couple of minutes is yacking to the other lady in the back. She's not doing anything--neither of them are!

Talk about blood pressure going up about 15 points. OH man. 15 minutes later she finally calls me over and hands me the meds and THEN informs that they didn't have enough of the one medication and I'd have to come back the next day after 5pm to pick up the rest!

I'm not a happy camper.

2004-06-25T09:09:00.000-05:00

VBS IS OVER!

My last quiet morning! Guess who complained that it was time to go yesterday? The youngest! Guess who complained that today was the last day? ALL THREE! Thanks God! The week was good for the kids and they had a good time. The week was good for me too! I really enjoyed my mornings to be able to get things done without constant interruptions. It's amazing how productive one can be!

Have a great weekend!

2004-06-22T15:43:00.000-05:00

A NEW LOOK

Got bored with the old template, but man was it a pain to get everything changed to a new one! Won't do that for awhile :) Enjoy the new look!

2004-06-22T10:09:00.000-05:00

VBS

The kids are going to VBS at the First Baptist Church in Casey this week. So it's giving me a little taste of what this fall might be like with all 3 of them in school! Yesterday wasn't so bad because Josh took a vacation day (it was his birthday!), so we ate breakfast together and watched a movie on TV. Today hasn't been too bad, I've caught up on my blog reading and am actually updating mine! I still have an hour to go though..lol.

The hardest part is my youngest didn't want to go back to VBS. Yesterday he told me (in front of his teacher!) that it was boring and he wasn't coming back. After I got him home I figured out that a couple of his friends didn't really include him in their playtime and that he missed me. Poor guy. The mom in me was a tad bit excited that I was missed, and mad at the little boys for not including my son. And as much as I would have liked to keep him home and play with him this morning, I decided my best bet was to encourage him to give it another try.

He went, but only after the other kids told me that they passed an offering plate yesterday and wanted to know if they could bring some money to give and while I was passing out quarters, my youngest wanted a quarter too and I said that it was for VBS and since he wasn't going he didn't need the quarter to which he replied, "I am going." So hopefully the quarter got put in the offering and not pocketed by my child as a bribe..lol :)

2004-05-13T16:14:00.000-05:00

WHOA--Blogger Updated!

I guess I should get on here a bit more often and I would have known Blogger updated--Oh Well!

STAR TREK TEST

I did this Star Trek Personality test because I'm a copycat and one of my best friends did it, so I did too :) here are my results:

Myers-Briggs would say that you are an ENFP (Extrovert, Intuitive, Feeler, Perceiver). In Star Trek language, you share a basic personality configuration with James Kirk and Julian Bashir.

People like you are generally great problem-solvers. You're highly innovative, creative and unique. You're optimistic by nature, which may make others believe you're naive, but actually you're full of energy, very clever, and determined not to be stopped. You're outgoing, curious, and extremely playful. Others are sometimes taken aback by your enthusiasm, but it keeps you going after others have dropped.

You're deeply caring, sensitive and gentle, which, combined with your need to solve problems, may make you a little too eager to give others advice. You also process information very quickly, which may make others believe you're not listening to them. Before you share your feelings, you have to have time to process them.

You're adaptive and resourceful, but sometimes highly disorganized. You dream of having the perfect assistant. You respond best to people who encourage your unique viewpoints and insights, help you maintain harmony, and want to play and explore with you. You don't respond well when you're overwhelmed with details or when you're in a rigid situation.

Your primary goal in life is freedom to see possibilities, make connections, and be with a variety of people. Your reward is having spontaneous adventures.

Good careers for your type include being an advertising account executive, starship captain, career counselor, developer of educational software, actor, graphics designer, corporate team trainer, psychologist, inventor, medical pioneer, and child welfare counselor.

I was kind of surprised, I thought it was pretty accurate!

You can take the test here!

ILL

I have never been so ill in my life! I got started feeling funky on Monday and by late that night I had the flu SO BAD! It was awful. I asked Josh to stay home on Tuesday because I could barely move! I finally feel at about 80% today. Thank you God!

ONE OF THE BEST DAYS EVER!

Last Thursday, May 6 was one of the best days of my life! All three of my kids made decisions to follow God! I was thrilled to be able to discuss and pray with each of them! Talk about exciting! My children are 8, 6, & 5 and my 8 year old daughter has been working up to this decision for a long time. She's been asking a lot of questions, worried that she doesn't understand, and been pretty emotional during some "special" times at church (Christmas Eve services, baptisms etc). So I was pretty excited when we started discussing what being a Christian meant that morning in the bathroom while I was fixing her hair! By the time we were done she told me she thought she was ready and and so I asked her a few questions and then I prayed and she prayed! Awesome! After school I encouraged her to share her experience with her brothers, but she was a little nervous. But somehow the conversation wound its way around to being a Christian and my 5 year old piped up and said, "I'm not a Christian." To which my six year old said, "Yes you are." Which of course turned into an "am not/yes you are" argument and my 8 year old said "No he's not" Which lead into another discussion of what a Christian is, and by the end both boys were adamant that they wanted to become one. My 5 year old blessed my socks off by eagerly praying first and saying something to the effect of "Jesus, sorry I do bad stuff. I need you to help not to. I love you. Thanks. Amen" Talk about an emotional day! THANKS GOD!

BABY ON THE WAY!

One of my best friends who has been my best friend since we were like 3 is having a BABY! She's been trying to get pregnant for over a year and has been very discouraged. Her one dream for as long as I've known her was to get married and have a passle of kids and now God has blessed her with her first one! She's due in December! THANKS AGAIN GOD!

SIGN OFF

I think that catches you up with the most important stuff occurring in the last few weeks!

2004-04-13T16:26:00.000-05:00

HEY LOOK--It's ME!

Yes, I'm still alive! It's amazing huh? Sorry about the long hiatus (Is that how you spell that?) Life gets stuck on fast forward sometimes in my life.

So to catch you up..

NO VOICE

I have no voice. I'm not speaking metaphorically, I'm speaking literally. I literally am speechless and it totally stinks! My throat was scratchy on Sunday and after leading worship for XO Kids (crossover kids..our "kid's church") and then helping out with the Easter Egg Hunt after church, well my voice started sounding kind of grovelly (is that a word?).

Anyway, I woke up Monday morning and it was GONE! Ugh. From what I've read on the net, it could possibly be 2 weeks before it comes back. Great! OH well..so here I am!

TAE BO

So what have I been doing with my time since I haven't been blogging? Tae Bo! I need to shed some pounds and get some energy and so I've been exercising since like January, which is pretty huge for me who is not a disciplined person. So instead of reading blogs and writing mine, I have been taking that time to exercise. But I have yet to find a spot of time to get back in here regularly :( Bear with me!

SURVIVOR!

So far the All-Stars have been playing pretty well. Most people are making excellent choices as to who is getting the ax! Boston Rob better watch out, because there couldn't be a larger target! It's been very entertaining the last couple of weeks and I am excited to see what happens next!

BOOKS!

I have been reading, I am now on the 4th in the Chronicles of Narnia Series....Prince Caspian. They haven't just been fabulous, but they are interesting. I've read a couple of other novels in there as well, but none of them have really been "wow"!

MOVING INTO THE 21st CENTURY!

I am on the move baby--cable modem! HELL-O! What a difference some speed makes when you go surfing! No more waiting for 5 minutes while your page loads or waiting 30 minutes to an hour for those important updates. Only looking at one page at a time? No more, with cable modem I can look at several webpages all at the same time without frustrating delays and constant lock-ups! I should be a saleswoman for the company, because I am in love :)

IN CLOSING

I hope that you all have had a good holiday and I can't wait for the warm weather! I'm not really a summer person, but I absolutely love 65-70 degree weather and I am tired of the cloudy days and am looking forward to some sunshine! Thanks for listening!

2004-03-03T16:09:00.000-06:00

Books!

I just finished She's Undone by Wally Lamb. It definitely held my interest and he did a great job of weaving a story. But man the book was depressing! For the last couple of days I've been in a very "blah" mood and I really think it's this book. This woman is SO unhappy and so many terrible things happen in her life. It's really exhausting. Can't say whether I liked the book or not.

Next I'm going to read The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. I heard on the radio today that they are making a movie of this book. Interesting :)

Survivor All Stars!

Ding Dong Hatch is gone! Whoo Hoo! Way to go Colby! Of course I'm not sure that this will help Colby in the long run, but at least we don't have to worry about Hatch winning. He underestimated people! Now I hope Colby doesn't make the same mistake because I think Jerri is out to get him!

What was up with Hatch's behavior? I mean it's one thing to make an off-color remark..but then to continue..ugh! I told Josh that I bet a lawsuit is going to happen over that and Sue will win too.

2004-02-26T13:49:00.000-06:00

I think I like this once a week blogging marathon thing..lol Sorry you all for not writing more regularly. My life is stuck in fast forward!

Friday Five! (Or Thursday Five if you're late like me!)

When was the last time you...

1. ...went to the doctor?
Thursday, February 12

2. ...went to the dentist?
somewhere between 1986-1989 (I had a horrible experience and have yet to conquer my fear to return--I'm a wimp)

3. ...filled your gas tank?I filled it on Sunday (Feb. 22) when we got home from visiting Josh's parents

4. ...got enough sleep?
Ugh..probably about 3 weeks. I have not been sleeping well

5. ...backed up your computer?
Me personally? Umm..I don't think I've ever done it. Ouch. I think Josh might have done it before? My wonderful friend, Brian, has on a couple of occasions been able to retrieve numerous files when my computer locked up :)

Survivor All Stars!

Rob C bit the dust. And I personally think it was a very wise move of Boston Rob. Not that I'm happy Rob C is gone, I liked him and all, but he definitely was a very real threat to Boston Rob and definitely cannot be trusted. It will be interesting to see what happens this week.

BY the way, I saw a preview of tomorrow night's show and they said something to the effect of "the losing team of the immunity challenge will be dissolved" Hmm. They could totally get rid of a team or they could take that team and divide it up on the other teams.?. So I guess I'll have to wait and see.

Oh and an update on Jenna M that came from Anna:
" just read an interview by Jenna M - she explained that her mother had been battling cancer for like, 8 or 9 years, that it had just become a part of life for her and her family. I wish I could remember where I read it from.. but anyway, since I can't remember the exact phrasing, basically, she was living her life and not sitting around for a whole decade waiting on her mom to die. I'm glad she was able to be there with her at the end."
Thanks for filling me in!

Books!

I started The Magician's Nephew by C.S. Lewis over the weekend. My brother-in-law got the series for Christmas and let me borrow the first one. It's ok. I'm not a big fantasy fan, but was curious. It's not too bad. Anna recommended "She's Undone" by Wally Lamb, which I picked up at the library this afternoon!

My Weekend

We went to Josh's parents for the weekend, which is in Alton, IL (about an hour away from St. Louis). It is always fun to go visit and relax. They are such laidback people and it is nice to just hang out and share life with them. This weekend they got us tickets to a hogroast dinner and a concert with a band (country-yee rah)that is pretty popular in the area. We agreed to go so we could spend some time with them, not because we enjoy that type of thing really.

Anyway, so we went and as I sat there I came up with a 4 step plan for our Easter service at The Crossover. We've been struggling with how to get new people (specifically unchurched) to attend our services. This night gave me lots of great ideas! Here's the plan:

1. Get a fiddler! While in the restroom I heard several people talk about how awesome the fiddler was and that you can't beat a band with a great fiddler. (By the way, the fiddler was really good--and I'm not a big fiddler fan!)

2. Bring on the Jell-O shots! I'm telling you this is a definite moneymaker! We can pull in people PLUS increase our offering. Can't beat that! These things went like hotcakes!

3. Add a really good dancer! They had this young kid that was a pretty good country dancer and he had the crowd up and clapping and laughing and having a great time.

4. And last but not least, end the service with a rousing rendition of "I Got Friends in Low Places" or some other song where everyone can sing along. After the jell-O shots, everyone seemed a lot freer to dance and sing loud.

Needless to say, I am a sheltered person who is unaccustomed to bar behavior. It was fascinating to watch. I just don't get it and I can't say that I'm sad that I don't get it. It would be interesting to learn these people's stories. I'm becoming more and more fascinated with people's stories. I think that's why (in general) people are so intrigued by reality TV. It's learning people's stories!

2004-02-18T13:43:00.000-06:00

Outsmarting Dial-up

In the hopes of not losing everything I type, I'm am going to take Anna's advice and I typed this up as an email and copied and pasted it. Thanks for the heads up Anna!

Survivor All-Stars

BRIAN--if you haven't watched the one from Feb. 12 yet, skip this section!

OH my gosh! Jenna M. (previous winner of Survivor Amazon) walks! Ok, now for the full story. Jenna's mother is a cancer survivor, but from the way they made it sound, she was in a cancer center, so she must have gotten worse. ANYWAY...Jenna went ahead and came to the game anyway. Well she felt terrible almost immediately for doing so and hesitated on whether she should stay. Finally she voiced her concerns to her tribe and said that she really thought she needed to leave because if anything happened to her mom and she was out here playing a game she would never forgive herself (well-duh!). So anyway, she tells Jeff at the next immunity challenge that she wants to go home and they take her off by boat and at the end of the show there is a little written update thingy that says 8 days after Jenna got home her mother passed away! How awful! I'm so glad she did go. But there is part of me that can't believe she came in the first place, but I've done some pretty stupid stuff, so who am I to talk?

The show really wasn't that interesting last week, beyond Richard's (the gay guy who won the first Survivor) shark wrestling match that ended up with a shark bite for Richard and a Richard bite and becoming dinner for the shark! It was hilarious, Colby (from Survivor Outback) says, "Can you call a gay guy a stud? Richard, you're a stud." lol. That was pretty funny.

All in all, Rupert is doing poorly..he made a mess of the reward challenge in my opinion, Ethan's future looks much brighter. Richard is by far the best player and has a great chance of winning if he can dodge Tribal Council for awhile until he gets some friends. He is so smart about people, but he himself is such a jerk (or appears to be..like I really know him!)! Colby is doing well with Richard on his team, it gives him a chance to not stand out. The girls, with the exception of Kathy & Jerri, aren't doing so well in my opinion. Amber has a chance if she can keep her wits about her and keep her hormones under control.

Well anyway, enough of that until after the next episode!

Friday Five!

1. Are you superstitious?
Nope. But I do feel a bit funny about walking under a ladder?? Go figure. And I didn't let my hubby see me until I walked down the aisle at our wedding.

2. What extremes have you heard of someone going to in the name of superstition?I haven't.

3. Believer or not, what's your favorite superstition?I love the tradition of the groom not seeing the bride on their wedding day until she walks down the aisle. I just think it is so romantic.

4. Do you believe in luck? If yes, do you have a lucky number/article of clothing/ritual?Luck? I guess not, I mean I don't have anything special that I hang onto.

5. Do you believe in astrology? Why or why not? I don't. Why? The honest answer is because I was brought up not to. That it was of the devil and evil etc. I have never looked into it to actually see what I believe. I don't think God set things up so that we could tell the future by the stars etc and that as the moons and stuff change that that affects us in our lives. But do I know for sure? Of course not, but He's never led me to look into all of that so I don't think that is how He set it up.

Tie-Dye

Have you ever tie-dyed anything? Oh my gosh, last night my girl scout troop tie-dyed t-shirts and it was SO MUCH FUN! They look so cool and everyone's looks different even though we used the same colors and similar ways of banding the shirts. I highly recommend this as project to do with your kids on a rainy day. It is relatively cheap. I bought 2 kits from Wal-Mart for $9.97 a piece and we did 11 girl shirts and 1 adult shirt and I still have plenty of dye leftover.

Pajama Day!

The kids and I had Pajama Day on Monday since there was no school and it was so much fun. We had breakfast and lounged around and then did some puzzles and read some books. After lunch Jumanji was on, so we watched the rest of that and then the kids played Nintendo and I read and book. It was a wonderful LAZY day!

Books!

I finished up The Act of Marriage, which was pretty good but outdated..I think the copyright is 1970 something. I also finished my Mary Higgins Clark book which was ok. I like some of her stuff, but she is a bit descriptive and that gets on my nerves. I'm not sure what I'm gonna read next. I'm looking at Waking the Dead by John Eldredge as my non-fiction and maybe The Magician's Nephew by C.S. Lewis as my fiction. But haven't decided yet.. Suggestions are welcome!

2004-02-14T10:28:00.000-06:00

I HATE dial-up!

Have I mentioned lately that I HATE DIAL-UP! It is SO frustrating! I wrote out this big long post and then I went to post and publish and the stupid thing wouldn't work because my dial-up had disconnected (FOR WHAT REASON- I DO NOT KNOW!) and so I lost my whole post. MAN that's irritating.

SO this is it for now, because I'm too frustrated to retype everything.

2004-02-11T16:02:00.000-06:00

My Apologies!

Life has definitely sped up the last couple of weeks! So I haven't been able to make time to get here and I haven't been able to make time to participate in Blogger Idol either :( Unfortunately I don't see how I can possibly continue that anyway..it takes SO MUCH time! I can't believe how long it takes to read all the blogs etc. It's an awesome idea though!

Survivor All-Stars

I have made time to watch my most favorite TV show though! This season is off to a good start :) The most difficult thing this time around is that the survivors were not given matches or anything else to help them start a fire. The first tribe to go to tribal council was not allowed to take fire back either! The main problem with the lack of fire is then there is also NO drinkable WATER! Yikes! Anyway at the first tribal council Tina (winner of Survivor Outback) was voted off and in the second tribal council Rudy was voted off. The same tribe went to both tribal councils--ouch for Saboga! SO we'll see what comes next this Thursday!

Friday Five!

Just playing a little catch up today! Thanks for reading :)

1. What's the most daring thing you've ever done?
Daring thing? Hmm.. I am not daring. I once drove around a curve at 55mph when it said to take it at 25mph and the people with me about had a coronary, which was funny, but that really isn't daring, it's just stupid. (I was 16 at the time)

2. What one thing would you like to try that your mother/friend/significant other would never approve of?
Mother? Skydiving..she'd have a fit!

3. On a scale of 1-10, what's your risk factor? (1=never take risks, 10=it's a lifestyle)
I would say probably a 4. I'm not a risk taker. And I tend to take less risks the older I get. If I'm in the right mood, I might be really silly, but I usually don't do anything considered "risky".

4. What's the best thing that's ever happened to you as a result of being bold/risky?
I got to travel to Brazil South America when I was 17 to visit missionaries our church supported. I went all by myself and I had never even been on an airplane before that visit! Of course this had more to do with God than me being risky, but it still was pretty bold/risky.

5. ... and what's the worst?
I'm not sure...because most things that have seemed "bad" because of my boldness have actually been valuable learning experiences that ended up being very good for me! I'm sure there is something, but it's not coming to mind immediately.

2004-01-30T09:15:00.000-06:00

Friday Five!

It's that time again... :)

You have just won one million dollars:

1. Who do you call first?
It depends. If it happens during the day and Josh is at work, then I call him. If he's here with me...I'm not sure.

2. What is the first thing you buy for yourself?
I actually think this is a hard question. What I would really want is to pay off my home and then sell it and build a new house and decorate it how I would like. But that's not just for me. My other big wish list item right now is a new bed..but that's not just for me either :) So probably new clothes?

3. What is the first thing you buy for someone else?
Supper! I'd probably take my friends out to celebrate!

4. Do you give any away? If yes, to whom?
Yes, first to my church, and then after that I'd have to do a lot of thinking and praying.

5. Do you invest any? If so, how?
Yes. And I have no idea, I would definitely need to find some people who could help me out!

What about you? Leave your answers in the comments, or put it on your blog and leave your link!

2004-01-29T13:29:00.000-06:00

Reading & Watching

Of course my two fave things to do are reading and watching movies! I just finished off the O'Malley Series by Dee Henderson and am getting ready to read, "If I Gained the Whole World" by Linda Nichols. She also wrote the book "Not a Sparrow Falls", which was probably one of the best fiction novels I've read in a while.

As for movies, the other night Josh & I watched "Johnny English" with Rowan Atkinson (sorry if I messed up the spelling), or you may know him as Mr. Bean. Well we love Mr. Bean and find him totally hilarious and so we thought we'd watch this movie. Now it was funny in some parts. But you can only play the fumbling idiot spy for so long before it gets kind of old, and so this movie was kind of a drag overall. Oh well!

2004-01-29T13:12:00.000-06:00

TOP PICKS for Blogger Idol Week 2

Drum roll, please.. :)

The following are all entries that stood out to me, in no particular order:

Anna --she and I must think on the same lines sometimes. I just totally understand where she's coming from!
needsomecoffee --freedom is found in security. Really liked this post.
Pressed --wonderful essay about free will vs. choice. Will make you think. Thanks for pressing us to know what we believe!
Jaded Angel -- very humorous. Some people who take the freedom of dress "too far" in her opinion.

And my most favorite post probably for this week is:
Frac -- I'm a sucker for fiction! Great job..loved it!

Be sure to check these out!

2004-01-26T21:16:00.000-06:00

Blogger Idol Week 2: Freedom

The darkness was suffocating as I lay in bed, shared with Josh, the only person who mattered in my life. The weight of my mistakes felt like a physical hold on me. I tried to stifle my tears as I wept uncontrollably. How different my life had become. How far from who I thought I was going to be, had I become. Josh shifted his weight and snuggled closer. He did love me. He did care, but even that wasn't enough to lift the sadness that I felt. Sensing I was awake, he leaned in for a kiss and felt the dampness on my cheeks.

"What's wrong?" he asked.
"Nothing, just a bad dream." I replied. He pulled me closer.
"What kind of dream?" he pried.
"The kind best forgotton." I said and turned to face him, snuggling close for warmth and assurance.
"You're unhappy." Josh stated. With the way he said it, I knew I had to explain. For he was not the source of my unhappiness and I couldn't bear the thought of him thinking he was.
"Yes, I am. If I died tonight, I know I wouldn't be with God when I woke. But I don't know where to go from here either." The emotions began to flow as I once again began to sob uncontrollably.
"I always thought that if you would just become more like me, we could be together and we would both be happy. But now that you have, your joy is gone and I can't stand to see you so unhappy." He pulled me closer and wept as well.

2 Months Later...

"You're pregnant." The doctor gave me a half smile, as if he wasn't for sure whether the news would be a happy or sad event. I managed a lopsided smile back and he continued, "This is a surprise." He stated it, sensing my fear.

"More like a heart attack." I laughed as I responded.
"Will your parents be a good support system?" he asked, genuninely concerned.
"Probably not, but my boyfriend will be." I replied trying to sound more confident than I felt.
"There are other options." he said.
"No, there aren't. Not for me." He nodded and said he would get me a referral for a doctor and a prescription for prenatal vitamins until I could schedule an appointment. I thanked him, took my papers and made my way to the waiting room and paid my bill. I made it to my car before I completely fell apart.

Pregnant! I was 18 and pregnant, unmarried. Oh God! How could I have gone so far! Once again I felt so trapped, surrounded by darkness even though it was daylight outside.

I picked Josh up from work and I didn't even have to say anything. He just reached over and held me for a long time. When we parted he looked in my eyes and said, "I love you. We will make this work...together. Marry me."

I looked at him and wanted so much to say yes and have the "happily ever after", but I couldn't ask that of him. To give up his life for me and a baby. Sensing my doubt, he took my hand, "Don't even think of saying no. I'm not walking away."

It was settled. I would marry him. The next few weeks were a blur as we made definitive plans before we told our parents. We knew that if we already had plans in place, it would help our parents to see us not only as a couple but as logical thinkers. We found a trailer and decided on a simple ceremony, no big flashy wedding, just a simple dress and him in his suit and tie. Now all that was left was to tell the family the news.

He dropped me off at home before he drove home for the night. I hoped it was too late for my mom to be up, but she was in the living room.

"I got this in the mail today." It was an envelope addressed to me from Department of Family Services, already opened.
"You opened my mail?" I blurted.
"You want to explain?" she asked, hurt evident on her face.
"I'm pregnant. Josh and I are getting married. We have a trailer in town....I'm sorry." I finished lamely.
"When were you going to tell me?" she shouted. We were both crying now.
"I don't know, things have just happened so fast."
"I'm not taking care of that child."
"I didn't expect you to."
"How could you?"
"I'm sorry." Silence..unending silence it seemed. Finally mom spoke, softer this time,
"You don't have to marry him you know?"
"I want to. He's a good man." More silence. Then mom stood up and walked out of the room. I have never felt so alone.

1 Month Later

Telling his parents didn't go much better. Again the reassurance that "they" weren't going to raise that child, and how could we have been so stupid. But wedding plans were made, and as time had passed, both parents wanted the marriage at least to have a proper start with a wedding and had offered to help in various ways. It would still be small, but at least memorable and the family would attend.

Now it was time to get everything out in the open. Tomorrow, Josh and I would stand before our church and let them know what was going on. During the last few months Josh had learned that there was a God who loved him and forgave him and wanted to be the Rock for him to lean on during this time. Josh had given his life to that Rock. Hope surged. It might work. Oh God, please let it work. I am so sorry. How many times had I said that? A gazillion. Was it enough? Was the sorry for going against what He wanted enough? I didn't know.

"God, please, somehow show me it is enough. I have nothing left to give." I prayed as I tried to rest. The baby inside of me moved. How I had grown to love this little one. How confusing it was to love something that came about as a mistake. As sin.
"Oh God, help me to know how to feel." Sleep came, many hours later.

The Next Morning

The service seemed to last an eternity. Song after song, words and more words. I couldn't concentrate on any of them. Then at last, the last prayer and the pastor moved forward once again. This was it. I heard him say something about forgiveness, something about restoring those with a repentant heart and the next thing I new Josh and I were moving toward the stage. Somehow, I managed to climb the steps. Then I heard Josh talking, crying, and talking and then somehow I managed to begin talking and weeping. Looking into the faces of people who had loved me since I was a child. And when I looked, they didn't have angry faces, but many were weeping as well. Finally, Pastor Scott took over and prayed for us and then told the congregation that they could do whatever God had called them to do. As I stood to the side, trying to control my weeping, I saw a line begin to form heading toward the front. Toward me and Josh. Person after person clung to me and looked me in the eye and said "I forgive you."

Then, Donna came to me. She hugged me close and then looked in my face with tears streaming down her face and she said, "I've always told Miranda to look up to you. That you were a good model of a girl who's heart was for God." I dipped my head as I worried as to what would come next. This was a woman who had taken time out for me, prayed with me. Someone who I had truly disappointed. Someone who she had told her daughter to look up to, and I had let her down. Oh God forgive me!

She struggled with her emotions and finally caught my gaze and said, " And I still will."

The darkness lifted. And I was standing in the light once again. It was enough.

That was the day I learned what freedom was about. Freedom from the bondage of sin. True freedom can only come from God. When I needed tangible freedom from my sin, God gave it to me in the form of a woman who could have so easily been angry with me, but instead gave me the sweet taste of forgiveness and freedom. He's still there today offering me freedom in Him. Freedom from the enslavement of my own desires. And He does for you too.

This story is based on a true story. It's my story. It's been awhile, so exact wording and the timeline might be a bit off, but the heart of the story is true. My hope by repeating the story is that someone else may find freedom as well.

2004-01-23T09:35:00.000-06:00

Movie Review: Anger Management

I should preface this by saying I'm not much of an Adam Sandler OR Jack Nicholson fan. I did enjoy Mr. Deeds & The Wedding Singer of Adam Sandler, so I thought I would give this one a try.

And it was funny. There were several scenes that I laughed out loud and thought were very clever. But unfortunately Mr. Sandler took a lot of the jokes too far (as he often does) and instead of being funny, they were crass and disgusting.

There were two things that bothered me a lot. One was a scene where two girls kiss and that just grossed me out. And the other was when Dave (Sandler) talked about molesting a mentally disabled person. Both were done for laughs, but I didn't laugh at either one. It kind of made me ill that people thought these things would be funny. So those things kind of ruined most of the movie for me.

I did like that the movie pointed out that people who don't deal with their anger have just as much of an anger problem as those of us who explode. (I'm an exploder...a closet exploder..just those close to me have seen me explode, and the few people in traffic who have witnessed my angry face and pointing from inside the car..lol) I thought that the idea of facing the things that have made you what you are today was also a good idea. Now I don't agree with how the confrontation occurred, but I think it can be very good to go back and tell the person that you are angry with that you are angry and you were hurt. Most of the time the person probably doesn't care, but at least you get it out there and can go on. At least in my personal experience it has been the best course of action.

Anyway, back to the movie...Jack Nicholson is just too strange for me. I'm not sure I can think of any movie that I've seen that I've liked him in. He plays a better bad guy than a good guy for sure.

Then of course there are the kooky music numbers that have become classic Adam Sandler. And several cameos that were fun to watch for. Rob Schneider did not appear though :( But Mayor Rudy Guilani (sp?) did shout "YOU CAN DO IT!", which was pretty funny. The guy who played the butler in Mr. Deeds was in this one too as Chuck, Dave's anger ally. Marisa Tomei, Dave's girlfriend, did a good job..I always like her.

So overall my opinion is to leave it on the shelf because it isn't worth wading through the crap to see the funny stuff.

If you've seen it, I would love to hear your opinion!

2004-01-23T09:22:00.000-06:00

Friday Five!

At this moment, what is your favorite...

1. ...song?
Ugh, at this moment...probably Holy by Nicole Nordeman (sorry if I spelled it incorrectly!)

2. ...food?
without a doubt... spaghetti !

3. ...tv show?
Is there really anything else on TV? SURVIVOR BABY!

4. ...scent?
my husband...I know that sounds weird, but I don't know how to explain it.

5. ...quote?
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. Isaiah 55:8 (NIV)

2004-01-22T14:54:00.000-06:00

Blogger Idol Top Picks

Oh my goodness, that took forever. I have now read through MOST of the posts. I have glanced at ALL of them. I don't know how I'm going to do this week after week. I just don't have the TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But here are a few of my faves (in no particular order)

Deneice --she loved Strawberry Shortcake too and for that, she gets on my list :)
Loobylu -- absolutely great graphics and a way cool web design.
Pressed--for his honesty.
Christop--his parents really wanted him to become an artist I think :)
Heather--she took me on a quick trip down memory lane, very fluid post.
Anna--I can so identify with the mom who had no concept as to fashion!
Luke --interesting tribute to the songs of the 80s!

And that's my list.

(side note: I figured out how to put the links to the names all by myself..GO Me!)

2004-01-21T09:41:00.000-06:00

Comments!

It seems that my comments haven't been working properly lately :( What a bummer. They are fixed now and I apologize to my faithful reader, Brian, who probably thought he was being ignored while I thought that he found me rather boring and had nothing to say! lol! Confusion how entertaining! I did have one other person leave a comment..Beth Sargent! I had made a comment on her blog awhile back and she checked me out and asked me a question and since I've never replied back she probably moved on :( I will email her so I don't seem like a complete snob, just a little ignorant when it comes to the technical aspects! Thanks for your comments!

2004-01-21T09:36:00.000-06:00

Just For Fun

These are the answers to a test I took that I found on Brian's Blog!

1. The person who you are walking with is the most important person in your life.

You were walking with: Josh

WHOO HOO :)

2. The size of the animal is representative of you perception of the size of your problems.

Animal you saw: deer

That is very interesting..

3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems (passive/aggressive).

Your interaction: none

lol..if anyone knows me, they know this is NOT true :)

4. The size of your dream house is representative of the size of your ambition to resolve your problems.

Size of your dream house: It's massive..the biggest house I've ever seen.

LOL..too funny :)

5. The absence fence is indicative of an open personality: People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence indicates a closed personality: You'd prefer people not to drop by unannounced.

You have a fence: no

Very accurate :)

6. If your answer did not include food, people, or flowers, then you are generally unhappy.

In the dining area you saw: It's a dark wood with high back chairs with no cushions. There are candles and a vase of wildflowers for a centerpiece. The room is very lighted. Lots of windows letting in natural light with greenery all around.

FLOWERS!

7. The durability of the material with which the cup is made of is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship with the person named in number 1. For example, Styrofoam, plastic, and paper are all disposable, metal and plastic are durable.

The cup was made of: foam

Come on, how often do you see a metal cup outside?

8. Your disposition of the cup is representative of your attitude towards the person in number 1.

What you did with the cup: pick it up to put in the trash

I don't think so..

9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your sexual desire.

Body of water: an ocean

Oh my gosh..face is red!

10. How wet you get in crossing the water is indicative of the relative importance of your sex life.

To cross the water you: I won't

lol..poor Josh :)

2004-01-19T19:13:00.000-06:00

Blogger Idol

Well let's see, the first week of Blogger Idol, and the topic is the 80s! The 80s? Come on people. At the end of the 80s I was a whopping 12 years old! lol Hmm... Things I remember from the 80s...

Strawberry Shortcake (she rocked..and she's coming back!)
My dad passing away (not a happy memory..but it happened in 84)
My first year at Camp Maranatha (85)
My first trip to Six Flags (86)
Meeting my future husband (at Camp! --85)
Rainbow Brite
Garbage Pail Kids (who in the world would have ever thought they would have taken off?)
Learning to read

Hmm, that's not alot :( Thanks to the show on VH1 entitled "I Love the 80s" I am able to enjoy a glimpse back in time, but beyond that I'm afraid I have very little to say!

So nothing ingenious for this round, I believe I've got my work cut out for me :)! I think I'll go take a look at what everyone else had to say!

2004-01-16T10:40:00.000-06:00

Friday Five

1. What does it say in the signature line of your emails?
I don't have a signature that I use everytime, but if it's an email for The Crossover (a formal one anyway) I use:

Keeping you informed,
Shawna Ridgley
Administrative Assistant for The Crossover
217-932-6291
shawna@thecrossover.org

The sad part? I had to look it up because I wasn't for sure what it said..lol

2. Did you have a senior quote in your high school yearbook? What was it? If you haven't graduated yet, what would you like your quote to be?

No, I didn't have a senior quote. But I was voted "Most Dramatic" and "Most Likely to Travel the World"

3. If you had vanity plates on your car, what would they read? If you already have them, what do they say?

JSRJQ 5 is what I would like to have and each letter is the beginning letter to each person in my family!

4. Have you received any gifts with messages engraved upon them? What did the inscription say?

I got a bracelet from my mom when I was little and it has my name, Shawna, on it. I also got a cool pin that has been twisted in to my name in cursive and has my birthstone on it. It's pretty cool too.

5. What would you like your epitaph to be?

lol..I have no idea, but I would like it to be funny. I am so not reverent about the dead and I don't know if that's good or bad. But people are dead, they're gone, if you wanted to say something nice to them, you should have said it while they were alive. I guess if I used the epitaph as my last words to the world, I might say "May the bird of life that flies over your head always be constipated." lol..Ok so maybe not, but I don't know what I would put.

2004-01-16T10:32:00.000-06:00

Blogger Idol

I signed up for Blogger Idol, which is kind of a "contest" (I use that word very loosely) for bloggers. A guy named Darren will put a theme on his blog for all of us to write about on our blogs and we can check out what each other have said and then I think we can also post on whose ideas we liked best or something like that. Anyway, it's not really a contest so to speak as a chance to share ideas and generate attention to your blog. My hope is that it will get me to have something interesting to blog about! lol

2004-01-13T15:51:00.000-06:00

BOOKS!

I have been reading a lot lately. I finished "Wild At Heart" back before Christmas I think.
Excellent book! I highly recommend it to all men and to women who are willing to take an honest look at a man's journey to become a man and to be open to how we, as women, have at times taken away men's manhood. Great book. I believe it has definitely made me a better wife and mother!

I'm also reading back through the O'Malley Series by Dee Henderson. They are fairly light reading, in a way, but she always brings new light to the different questions non-believers raise as to why they don't believe. I love the O'Malley family and it has given me a good picture of what family means and what I'm searching for.

2004-01-13T15:45:00.000-06:00

SURVIVOR!

I really enjoy the game show Survivor! And I'm excited as the next one is the All-Stars! It will be Sunday, Feb. 1 right after the Superbowl!!! I caught the CBS Early Show telling who the 18 survivors will be.. and here they are!

From Pulau Tiga: Jenna L, Susan, Rudy, Richard
From Australian Outback: Tina, Colby, Alicia, Amber, Jerri
From Africa: Ethan, Lex, Tom
From Marquesas: Kathy, Boston Rob M
From Thailand: Shii-Ann
From Amazon: Jenna M, Rob C.
From Panama Islands: Rupert

Chapera Tribe will be: Alicia, Amber, Rob C., Rob M (Boston Rob), Susan, Tom
Saboga Tribe will be: Ethan, Jenna L., Jerri, Rudy, Rupert, Tina
Moga Moga Tribe will be: Colby, Jenna M (the winner), Lex, Kathy, Richard, Shii-Ann

It will be in Panama at the Pearl Island location again. They said that the way they chose who was going to be on the All-Stars was they asked all 112 who have participated before whether they were available. Then from those available they looked at who were the faves of the public and who had created the most drama etc. 2 people they picked said no..they didn't say who it was though. There 18 survivors this time and there will be 3 tribes, but that's all they really said. They asked Jeff Probst whose torch he was looking forward to snuffing the most and he thought for awhile and then said probably Richard Hatch because "he needs it". It definitely should be interesting and entertaining!

2004-01-13T15:39:00.000-06:00

Friday Five!

Just a little behind this week..sorry! Actually there is no Friday Five for last week, so I'm doing the one for Dec. 26 since I missed that one with the holidays and all!

1. What was your biggest accomplishment this year?
Let's start with a hard one huh? Hmm.. biggest accomplishment? Probably facing some issues with my past. It was difficult, but working through it is bringing about a healing that couldn't have happened any other way.

2. What was your biggest disappointment?
That's something I'd rather not say out loud.

3. What do you hope the new year brings?
More understanding of people who don't know God.

4. Will you be making any New Year's resolutions? If yes, what will they be?
NO!

5. What are your plans for New Year's Eve?
We had a party at our house with our best friends, The Millers and my adopted sister Nikki :)

2004-01-02T13:12:00.000-06:00

Happy New Year!

The last couple of weeks have been a blur! I was hoping that Christmas Break would be a time spent relaxing with the family, watching good movies, playing fun games, and maybe even reading a few new books! Oh my goodness, that has not happened! I have got to spend some good time with family that while it was fun ended up being under strained circumstances. My grandmother was sick the week before Christmas and got really bad the week of Christmas and finally passed on the day after Christmas. While we all know where she is and are thankful that she is no longer suffering, it was a stressful time for all of us.

Also, right before Christmas we found out that my oldest son will have to get tubes put back in his ears :( The procedure is fairly simple and there should be no complications, but we were hoping that this problem would be far behind us by now and instead it might stick around a bit longer. So we go Tuesday, Jan. 6 to have that done, and to make matters a bit more sticky, Josh will be unable to go with me because the other guy he works with took vacation that day. So prayers are greatly appreciated.

As I was thinking today, I was kind of astounded at the things that have happened the last couple of weeks and wondered why everything seems to happen at once. And the reason usually is, because it makes me forget about God. Not completely mind you, just enough that He sits on the back shelf where I throw in a few..help me out here God a couple of times. How easily I allow that to happen, but am thankful that He gently reminds me in many ways that He is there to carry what I'm going through. Thanks God!

Friday Five
(I missed last weeks--sorry!)

What one thing are you most looking forward to . . .

1. ...today?
My hubby coming home from work!

2. ...over the next week?
Getting through Jacob's surgery!

3. ...this year?
Camping with my family this summer!

4. ...over the next five years?
I have no idea.

5. ...for the rest of your life?
Just seeing where God takes me and my family!

2003-12-19T15:34:00.000-06:00

Friday Five!

1. List your five favorite beverages.
1. Ice Water (nice & cold)
2. Wild Cherry Pepsi
3. Fuzzy Navel Wine Cooler
4. Raspberry Iced Tea
5. Vanilla Chai
2. List your five favorite websites.
1. What It's All About
2. Friday Five
3. Focus on the Family/Plugged In (movie reviews)
4. Brant Hansen's Blog
5. Thinking, just thinking
(as you can see, I do not surf the web often! I tend to rely on my good friend Brian to point me in the direction of interesting content!)
3. List your five favorite snack foods.
1. Chocolate--ANYTHING
2. Goldfish Crackers
3. Popcorn
4. Little sausages in bbq sauce
5. Relish tray type items
(I was going to put chocolate five times, but decided not to..lol)
4. List your five favorite board and/or card games.
1. Cranium (board)
2. Hand and Foot (card)
3. Spoons (card)
4. Scattegories (board)
5. Catch Phrase (board--sort of)
(I'm sure there are others, but these were the first 5 to pop into my mind!)
5. List your five favorite computer and/or game system games.
1. Mario Party (I think it's #3)
2. Mario Kart
3. Mario Tennis
4. Roller Coaster Tycoon (although I haven't played it in a LONG time because I tend to spend many hours at it!)
5. Hoyle Casino
(I don't know how truthful these are, they are just ones I have played and if I were to play a computer game or nintendo type game these would probably be my first picks)

2003-12-18T14:41:00.000-06:00

Christmas!

Oh my goodness, yesterday was a LONG day! Josh took the day off work and we went Christmas Shopping! My mom came down to watch the kids and we left at about 12:30pm and didn't get home until 11 pm! We were all over Terre Haute and even made a trip all the way back to Charleston to pick up a few things we couldn't find. For the most part, we are done. Now we have to buy a few stocking stuffers and take the kids to buy presents for each other and their grandparents and then of course Josh and I have to buy for each other. So I guess we're really not done, even for the most part! Oh well, think positive right?

All in all the day was really good. It was fun spending time with Josh and the crowds weren't too bad, except at Super Wal-Mart in Terre Haute..oh man.

2003-12-16T12:03:00.000-06:00

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO US!

Today is Josh & I's Anniversary! We have been married for 8 years! Wow, how time flies!

I love you Josh more than I could ever express. Thanks for being my best friend!

2003-12-12T10:53:00.000-06:00

Friday Five

1. Do you enjoy the cold weather and snow for the holidays?
Yes! I love the snow and cold and how white everything looks. It's so pretty!

2. What is your ideal holiday celebration? How, where, with whom would you celebrate to make things perfect?
My ideal holiday celebration would be to have all of my family (including my two oldest siblings and their children etc) and all of my husband's family at my home for a big dinner and have a long afternoon of sharing gifts and laughing and making memories. (believe it or not)

3. Do you do have any holiday traditions?
Yes. We always go get the Christmas tree together (my mom & my brother's family and us). I always make fudge for the first time of the season on the day we get the tree. We always have Christmas lunch at my house. And I think that's about it.

4. Do you do anything to help the needy?
Yes. We have done a few different things in the past. I'm not sure what we're going to do this year. We have talked about as the kids get older of possibly letting them pick a name from the "Angel Tree" and letting them pick out the gift, wrap it etc.

5. What one gift would you like for yourself?
I would love for my husband to be ready to have another child. But if you're talking about "material gifts", I would like a new DVD player, the one we have is not working properly.