EXHAUSTING

Just being real--people exhaust me.  Seriously.  Jesus second greatest commandment "Love your neighbor as you love yourself" is WAY difficult for me.  I find myself more often than not frustrated with my neighbor.  There are a handful of people who I find it relatively easy to love, but the rest--exhausting.  Part of my problem I've deduced is that I don't know how to be honest about how I feel about things.  I'm not proud of this.  I'm not even sure where I got the notion in my head that I have to be nice at all costs.  My mom definitely taught me manners and to be kind to others, but my notion goes further than that.  The notion in my head says that if how I feel or what I want will cause another person pain, then I should probably give up what I feel or want for the other person.

In some instances, this is a good thing.  Like when it comes to meeting the needs of my kids before buying the latest kitchen gadget.  Or when I'm really frustrated with my husband and I really want to lay into him, but realize that it really wouldn't be helpful to hurt him with my words just so I can "feel" better in that moment.   But at other times, it doesn't serve me well.  Like when a friend continues to hurt my feelings with a consistent behavior.  I find myself instead of confronting, withdrawing and choosing not to have that friend anymore. 

Thus, I get exhausted by people.  My fantasies in life include me, all by myself, and a beautiful landscape in front of me.  Quiet.  No one asking me for anything.  No one expecting something from me.  Me not letting anyone down or warring within myself of how should I act or behave.  Just peace. 

I don't find this the fault of other people.  It's not wrong of others to have needs and to ask me to help meet those needs.  I see this as a fault of mine.  A flaw in my character.  That ugly selfishness who just wants what she wants and now.  I'm supposed to love, not be frustrated.  Jesus saw the multitudes and had compassion on them the scriptures say.  Yeah, I know He is God--but still I'm supposed to strive to become like Christ.

My prayer today is that I find some decent boundaries.  I learn how to speak up for myself and what I need, but at the same time I love and have compassion for others. Gotta find some sort of balance.

GETTING YOUR UNDIES IN A BUNCH

I find it interesting that in this age of information overload that people still tend to get their undies in a bunch over misinformation.  For instance, since it is the Christmas season, I see a lot of posting via FB about the Xmas thing.  Don't take Christ out of Christmas!  I did a simple google search on the origin of Xmas today and within 10 minutes read 2 articles that purported that the X stood for the Greek word for Christ and was a common abbreviation as early as the 15th century in the CHURCH!  <huh, imagine that>

But really, regardless of where it did originate from, when are Christians going to stop trying to legislate Christianity?  Why are we surprised when people who are not Christians do unChristian things--like trying to ignore the religious overtones of the Christmas holiday?  But again--it was us Christians who hijacked this particular season away from the pagans to begin with?  So why are we again, getting our undies in a bunch? 

Now before you get your undies all in bunch over what I'm saying, please hear me out.  Our family WILL be celebrating a Jesus-filled Christmas.  <whatever that is supposed to mean>  But I won't have my checklist out making sure my neighbors are too.  I think it really all comes down to the frustration we (as Christians) face each December..How do I keep the focus on God and not on the worldly things?   

We are saturated from October through Christmas with purchasing presents, doing good, and decorating like Griswold.  How in the middle of the hustle and bustle do I maintain the focus that needs to be there?  Quite frankly it's the same question we should be asking ourselves on a daily basis.   God needs to be at the center of our hearts and minds everyday and when Christmas rolls around, it will be natural.

It is a heart thing, friends.  We must set aside time each day to draw near to God.  He will draw near to us.  But we have to go after it.  Just like we go after our children's (and our own) education, the money that we need to buy all the things we need and many of our wants, or follow after our favorite sports team--those things all take time and effort from us.  Our relationship with God takes time to.  We have to work at it. We have to make it point to read our Bible, spend time in prayer, figure out how to have a relationship with Him.  <work out your salvation with fear and trembling...sound familiar?>

So get your undies out of a bunch, stop worrying about what the world is doing and instead become infatuated with what God is doing and how He wants you to be a part of it.  You'll find that the X in Xmas doesn't bother you so much.

TOO MANY IN MY MIND

Sometimes the thoughts in my head seem all jumbled.  I just need to sit down and write them out before they're all gone.  I've been away from blogging for a long time.  Not sure why, just stopped posting my feelings.  I think part of the reason is that I had so many thoughts, and I wasn't for sure  if it was ok to share the thoughts and I couldn't censor my thoughts well at that time--so I stopped sharing at all.  My life has taken so many crazy turns since my last post in 2007!  One thing has remained constant--my thoughts need an outlet.  It's not healthy to keep all your thoughts in your head.  Well, at least for me.  There are days where I don't have a silent moment for all the thoughts that are screaming at me to give them attention.  So, I will try to let loose a little on some of those thoughts in effort to share my journey with whomever may read what I post.