Wish I Knew...
How can you so intensely care about people you don't know? Why do I have such a burden for faces that I have yet to meet? Why has God placed this burden on my heart, but has yet to show me what to do with what I feel?
Reading blogs about others working in Haiti, selling Haitian jewelry for people I don't know, and in general hearing the word "Haiti" pop up several times of day--all cause my heart to ache. Part of me wants to just shut the door and walk away. But God won't let me.
So I wait. Impatiently today. Frustrated. Heart heavy. Mind confused.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Monday, May 02, 2011
THE SECRET IS OUT
I don't have it all together. There it is. The secret has been revealed. I don't have it all together and it drives me CRAZY! I want to know everything I need to know. I want to know how to handle each situation the right way. I want to be able to guide my kids without second guessing myself and wondering if I have given them the best advice/discipline/guidance/reprimand in the best possible way.
When my kids were small, it was easy to fake it. They definitely didn't know that I didn't know what I was doing. They just trusted me and went with it. I also had the luxury of knowing that they weren't going to remember much about their life before age 12 or so. (at least that's what I told myself) I have 2 teenagers and one 12 year old--I can't hide anymore. I can't fake it. They know it. And the stakes are so much higher it feels.
I find myself praying much more fervently now than I did before. "God make me enough. Make me the mom they need me to be. And please, please, PLEASE protect them, reveal Yourself to them. Draw them to You."
Perhaps I should have been doing more of that all along. I'm a slow learner.
I don't have it all together. There it is. The secret has been revealed. I don't have it all together and it drives me CRAZY! I want to know everything I need to know. I want to know how to handle each situation the right way. I want to be able to guide my kids without second guessing myself and wondering if I have given them the best advice/discipline/guidance/reprimand in the best possible way.
When my kids were small, it was easy to fake it. They definitely didn't know that I didn't know what I was doing. They just trusted me and went with it. I also had the luxury of knowing that they weren't going to remember much about their life before age 12 or so. (at least that's what I told myself) I have 2 teenagers and one 12 year old--I can't hide anymore. I can't fake it. They know it. And the stakes are so much higher it feels.
I find myself praying much more fervently now than I did before. "God make me enough. Make me the mom they need me to be. And please, please, PLEASE protect them, reveal Yourself to them. Draw them to You."
Perhaps I should have been doing more of that all along. I'm a slow learner.
Monday, April 25, 2011
EASTER
What a weekend. Our lives have been so filled--every minute a dozen "have-tos" need our attention. But this weekend, we planned for nothing. A few "need tos", but mostly--"want-tos" and "impromptus".
Our daughter, Racheal, turned 15 this week and also went to Disney in Florida with the high school marching band. She returned on Friday afternoon (during the CRAZY rain!) and Josh took Saturday off. Because of the crazy rain our soccer game on Friday was cancelled! So we got to be lazy all weekend long.
We enjoyed Easter together as a family. This may sound funny--but this is one of the few Easters we have enjoyed as a family. For many years we were very actively involved in Sunday morning church. Sunday morning church can be an AWESOME thing. It can also become work if you are not very very careful. Unfortunately I don't think my husband & I were very careful and it turned into a lot of work in a lot of ways. We loved the work, don't get me wrong. We really did enjoy every moment of serving and helping and giving to the people God put in front of us. The problem was, we stopped taking time to spend WITH God. We would be so focused on getting the service ready--or serving in the kid's ministry or fixing something that we would lose track of moments just to spend listening to the Spirit.
This year, it was just our family. Just the five of us. In our dining room. Singing songs from youtube. Reading the Easter story. Remembering what Jesus has done and what that means. Josh shared how God showed him that Easter ushered in the Holy Spirit--without Easter we wouldn't have God with us always.
Then we of course had the annual Easter Egg Hunt (albeit with two reluctant teens and one very excited 12 year old). And then we all pitched in and made supper--burgers on the grill, deviled eggs, strawberries, french fries (yum!). Enjoyed a couple of movies. A very nice, relaxing "non-have to" day.
He has risen! He is Alive! The Spirit now lives in us. Does your life reflect that?
What a weekend. Our lives have been so filled--every minute a dozen "have-tos" need our attention. But this weekend, we planned for nothing. A few "need tos", but mostly--"want-tos" and "impromptus".
Our daughter, Racheal, turned 15 this week and also went to Disney in Florida with the high school marching band. She returned on Friday afternoon (during the CRAZY rain!) and Josh took Saturday off. Because of the crazy rain our soccer game on Friday was cancelled! So we got to be lazy all weekend long.
We enjoyed Easter together as a family. This may sound funny--but this is one of the few Easters we have enjoyed as a family. For many years we were very actively involved in Sunday morning church. Sunday morning church can be an AWESOME thing. It can also become work if you are not very very careful. Unfortunately I don't think my husband & I were very careful and it turned into a lot of work in a lot of ways. We loved the work, don't get me wrong. We really did enjoy every moment of serving and helping and giving to the people God put in front of us. The problem was, we stopped taking time to spend WITH God. We would be so focused on getting the service ready--or serving in the kid's ministry or fixing something that we would lose track of moments just to spend listening to the Spirit.
This year, it was just our family. Just the five of us. In our dining room. Singing songs from youtube. Reading the Easter story. Remembering what Jesus has done and what that means. Josh shared how God showed him that Easter ushered in the Holy Spirit--without Easter we wouldn't have God with us always.
Then we of course had the annual Easter Egg Hunt (albeit with two reluctant teens and one very excited 12 year old). And then we all pitched in and made supper--burgers on the grill, deviled eggs, strawberries, french fries (yum!). Enjoyed a couple of movies. A very nice, relaxing "non-have to" day.
He has risen! He is Alive! The Spirit now lives in us. Does your life reflect that?
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