Running Theme

There has been a running theme in my life the last year or so.  People who hurt me and aren't sorry.  And a few of these people I am required to continue relationship with...I can't just walk away.  And ALL of these people say they love God (except one is confused on that front right now)---so they are my brother/sister in Christ.  In general, I can honestly forgive and move on with someone who is genuinely sorry.  Someone who shows me that they truly understand the hurt they caused and then they genuinely work VERY hard at changing their behavior.  Those people I respect, admire, and feel good about mending the relationship.

But people who aren't sorry?  Honestly?  I don't know how to deal with it.  How do you move forward?  How can it become "ok"?  How do you forgive?  How do you still give of yourself and love others when you are tired of being hurt?

A few years ago I would have said, "You have to trust God.  Pray, He will help you get over it."  And I still believe that.  But it is not as simple as it sounds.  Nor is it a one time shot.  This is where that daily walking with God thing comes into play. And even when I know that in my head, the daily living it out is honestly exhausting to me.  I think I'm missing something in the equation?  Is there more to it that I've failed to understand?  Or is this deep heart hurt just a part of the human existance?  A result/consequence of sin--our own and the fallout of the sin of others?

God my heart is hurt and it is hard to put one foot in front of the other.  I feel tired and wore down. I feel defeated in some ways.  I don't want to feel this way.  I know others have it much rougher than I have and I am grateful for all that You give and You have provided.  I just don't know how to get over the feelings that I have.  Show me.

Loving Others

Matthew 22:36-40
³⁶ “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
 ³⁷ Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’^{[c] 38} This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’^{[d] 40} All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

It all comes down to loving God and loving others.  Loving God, I can do.  There are moments when it is hard, for sure.  But deep down He has given me the faith that I need to trust Him even when I can't see.  Loving others is so hard.  At least with God, I know He is perfect--that everything He does is with perfect motivation.  Loving others is not the case. 

I have been fried by others.  I'm just guessing, so have you.  It makes me want to say "ok, that's it--no more 'others' in my life."  I want to close the door and just forget it.  I'm tired of being hurt.  I'm tired of being misunderstood.  I'm tired of not knowing the right way to interact with each person I meet.  I'm tired of making a mess when I was just trying to help.  I'm tired of getting close and getting stung.  I'm tired of being rejected.  I'm tired of "not being good enough". 

But I love God.  And He told me to love others.  And his motives for me to love others are perfect.  And I trust Him.  This pain I feel is for a purpose I don't see. 

Read an interesting post today about "Fair Trade"---check it out!

The Apparent Project Blog: Fair Trade? How about B.E.A.N. trade?#c6636295564364922998#c6636295564364922998