Top 5 Books in 2019

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery right? I must admit, I stole the idea for this blogpost from my bestest girlfriend ever.  So Bet, please forgive me for stealing, but I loved the idea and so enjoyed your post that I was inspired to do the same!

I love to read and watch movies.  For me, there is nothing better than a good story.  And a well-told story will make my heart melt a million times over.  While I love discovering new stories--I also frequently re-read and re-watch my favorite stories!  The Harry Potter Series is probably one of my top favorite book series of all time and I have read through it from beginning to end at least 6 times.  I still laugh out loud and I still cry every time and it seems like each time I re-read it I peel another layer of meaning or get to know the characters in a new way.

But I digress!  On to my top 5 books for 2019!  I only chose books that I read for the first time for this list.  And can I just say that I read several great books this year, so choosing only 5 was difficult!  These are in no particular order!

This book hit me with ALL the feels.  I laughed and I cried--like the snotty-nosed-tears running down my face kind of crying.  It is about a beautiful, complicated friendship between two women and is SO worth your time!  We read this for Book Club!

My husband and I enjoy reading a book together every now and then.  We usually get two copies from the library and I read aloud and we both follow along.  I saw that a friend on Goodreads had read this one and I thought it was intriguing and would be a good one for us to read together.  It is a true story of a man who one day just walked into the woods and did not return to "civilization" for a very long time.  It was a unique story and I found myself full of questions I would love to ask the man.  My husband and I both enjoyed it.  

 This is another Book Club pick!  And OH how I loved it!  I had never read anything from this author, but so enjoyed her writing style.  It is a story of family, of race, of secrets, and of redemption.  Wonderfully woven, lovable and memorable characters, and just enough intrigue to keep you up too late reading "just one more chapter". 

 I was at Charleston Public Library just browsing on my lunch hour one day, when I walked past the table that is between the "children's section" and the "teen section" and saw the title.  The movie, The Wizard of Oz, has long been a favorite of mine and when I realized this book is based on that story I was hooked!  What a delightful find!  This historical fiction novel gives an inside peek of the world that Frank L. Baum created.  Anyone who is a fan of the movie or the book will surely enjoy this tale!

Another Book Club pick!  And OH the suspense!  This page-turner story will have you on the edge of your seat and wondering what in the world is going on!  One of the best thrillers I've read in awhile!


There you have it!  Have you read any of these?  Did you enjoy them as well or were they not your "cup of tea"?

Pack Up + Go

Sometimes you just need to do something different in life.  You need to take a risk, take an adventure, do something... Out of the Ordinary.

So we did!  Vacation planning can be rather stressful for me.  I am always on the hunt for the "perfect" location, choosing "perfect" accommodations, and finding just the "perfect" mix of activities and downtime.  With all that planning, I almost always end up wanting to say "forget it, let's just stay home".

My husband (bless this man, he is a wonderful one of a kind perfect match to me!) saw on MSN about this mystery vacation destination travel planner!  You pick the dates, fill out the survey, pay the money, and they PICK YOUR VACATION SPOT!  And so we said--why not?

[So now for my friends who are like- "get to the point already!", you can scroll to the bottom of this post and get a quick summary.  For those who enjoy a good story, read on!]

The online setup was secure and painless.  They want to know how many travelers, what days you want to plan your vacation (they need a minimum of one month prep time), and whether you want to choose a Flight/Train Destination or whether you would like a Road Trip package.  We chose the Flight/Train Destination and the trips begin at $650/per person which includes your flight/train tickets and accommodations for 2 nights.

We then filled out a survey inquiring as to what kind of things we normally like to do on vacation (night clubs, museums, shopping, shows, etc).  You can check as many boxes as you like!  There are other questions about lodging and your nearest airport and a section for you to tell them anything you think they should know.  (For instance we made sure to let them know that we were NOT well traveled and were unfamiliar with public transportation, Uber/Lyft, and cabs--and that any information regarding how to navigate these things in the city they chose would be very helpful to us).

Then we paid for the trip and received a confirmation email and were told that we wouldn't hear from them until 1 week before our departure date.  On that date they would email us with the weather forecast for our destination, the time of our flight and what airport we would be flying out of, and any special packing instructions needed.  A few days after that email, we would receive our packet in the mail but we were not to open it until the day of departure.

We booked our vacation on March 21 for June 18-June 20, so there was quite a bit of waiting.  We had a lot of fun wondering where we would be going!

Right on schedule we received our email one week before departure.  It let us know our flight would be leaving from Indy Airport at 11:15 and we needed to be there by 9:15am.  The weather was going to be in the low 80s with a 40% chance of rain each day.  They told us to bring walking shoes and an empty stomach as this city is known for it's food.  They also told us that it is also known for its rich history.  Two days later our packet arrived in the mail.  I did really well on not opening it -- until the night before.  I was a little bit like a kid who really wanted to open a present on Christmas Eve!  My husband laughed at me and said, I thought we were going to wait?  So we did wait, although I did pout a little.

As we were settling in to go to sleep I realized--are we supposed to be in Indy 9:15 Central Time or Eastern Time?  It was currently about 10:30pm Central Time the night before.  So we quickly emailed, hoping that someone might answer us quickly.  Within 10 minutes we received an email back stating "Great question!  The time would be the same as the airport, so that would be 9:15 Eastern Time".  Which meant, we needed to leave an hour earlier than we had originally planned!  Yikes!!

The next morning we hurriedly opened the envelope and found out we were headed to Atlanta, Georgia!  Then it was off to the airport!  We briefly glanced through the envelope on our way there, deciding we would take more time when we were waiting at the airport for our flight.  The drive was uneventful, we got to the airport, got our boarding passes, made it through security and found our gate.

The packet contained several colorful pages of information about Atlanta.  There were many suggestions of places to go, restaurants, and things particular to the city.  They had included a list of transportation options while in Atlanta, which was very helpful to us.  They also had a map outlining how to use the MARTA train system from the Airport to our Hotel.  We were also informed that they had made a dinner reservation for us at 7:00pm that night at the South City Kitchen in Midtown, along with a phone number to call to cancel our reservation if we decided not to attend.

Our flight was on Southwest Airlines.  I haven't flown in 10 years, but the flight was fine.  The weather....was bumpy.  We had thunderstorms flying out of Indy and thunderstorms landing in Atlanta, so there was considerable turbulence.  Have I mentioned I have a minor issue with motion sickness?  Once you land in Atlanta, you take a "train" from concourse to concourse that goes very fast.  And once you get off that train and onto the MARTA train to take you to your hotel, well you should make sure that you don't ride backwards if you tend to get motion sick.  Needless to say, I was feeling a little lousy.  And well, we ended up missing our stop for our hotel.  No biggie--just get off at the next stop and walk?  I mean, the stations aren't that far apart on the map.

We aren't the best navigators and it's amazing how disorienting it is when you don't know which direction anything is in a city!  After walking for about 15 minutes in the wrong direction, we went back to the station and found someone to help us with directions.  Although it took us much longer than needed, we had an adventure, learned from our mistake and made it to our hotel!

We stayed at The Georgian Terrace Hotel.  The location was fantastic!  It was a lovely neighborhood, within walking distance (or a short Uber/cab ride) to many activities. It has a rooftop saltwater pool that was lovely.  It was a little chilly for swimming while we were there, so we didn't get to take advantage of the pool as much as I would have liked, but I loved the option!  The hotel upgraded us from a 1 bedroom to a two bedroom suite, which really didn't make a difference to us.  The suite also had a full kitchen with full size appliances--but NO utensils/pots/pans/plates/cups.  Nothing.  We thought that was a bit odd, but as we weren't going to do any cooking anyway, it didn't matter.  The room was tastefully decorated and was clean.  It was a bit worn looking.  It was an older hotel.  But again, we couldn't have had a better location.

In our packet we were presented with a few "sample" itineraries.  They gave ideas of places to eat and things to see.  It was a little overwhelming.  So we spent most of the first afternoon looking through the packet, researching their suggestions and deciding what things we thought we would like to do. 

The first thing we researched was South City Kitchen in Midtown--the restaurant that we had reservations for dinner.  As we were looking over the menu, we both started thinking that maybe we should cancel our reservation.  We aren't the most adventurous eaters and we were pretty hungry from travelling.  We had both agreed to cancel, and then we talked a bit more and decided we wanted to go on an adventure--so we should at least check it out!  We realized we didn't know what the dress code was for the restaurant, so we sent another quick email to the Pack Up + Go crew and heard back right away that business casual was appropriate.  I had brought a few sundresses, but Josh just had jeans and a button up, but we decided that it would be ok.

The meal was fantastic.  Our waiter was very helpful and encouraged us to try the Fried Chicken or the Pork Chop.  Josh ordered the Fried Chicken and I ordered the pork chop and they were both excellent.  The sides were really really good as well.  We ordered fried green tomatoes--delicious!  And for dessert pineapple upside down cake--yum!  The atmosphere was fun--it felt like someone's home with lots of character.  I would highly recommend the restaurant if you are ever in Atlanta!

From the packet we had decided that we would like to go to World of Coke Museum, Georgia Aquarium, Civil Rights Museum, Skyview Atlanta, and Ponce City Market while we were in Atlanta.  From the packet, it showed that we could probably hit all of these in one afternoon, so we decided we would hang out at the hotel on Tuesday night and then Wednesday we would spend the day going to the various places. 

We really lucked out with excellent weather while we were there.  It was a comfortable 75-80 degrees each day and in the evenings it cooled down into the mid 60s, with low humidity!! 

Wednesday morning we got up and decided to walk to the World of Coke Museum (World of Coke, the Aquarium, the Civil Rights Museum, and Skyview Atlanta are all in the same general area).  It was a pleasant walk.  We arrived at the World of Coke Museum shortly after it opened.  It was such a fun time.  It was one very huge marketing scheme, that was done so well that although I do prefer Pepsi, I found myself wanting to a drink Coke.  Our favorite was the taste testing room where you could try different flavors of soda that Coca Cola provides around the world!  There were some truly unique flavors--such as BBQ, we were NOT a fan.  But it was fun to get to try lots of different flavors.  And you actually get to see the vault where the recipe for Coca Cola is housed. 

After we finished at the Coke Museum, we headed to the Aquarium.  I must preface this by saying I have never been to an Aquarium.  I fell in love.  It was one of the most wonderful places I have ever been to in my life! There was a room where one whole wall -floor to ceiling was glass (23 ft by 61 ft)and you could watch the fish.  There were 4 whale sharks, manta rays, a sea turtle, plus hundreds of other fish.  It was fascinating.  We spent probably an hour in there just watching...it truly was breathtaking.  When we finished going to the rest of the exhibits, we came back and sat and watched for another half an hour.  It was so fantastic.  I would go back in a heartbeat and am looking forward to checking out other aquariums on future vacations. 

Although the packet had said we could do all of the activities in a single afternoon, we must take much longer than the average person.  We took 3 hours in World of Coke and another almost 5 hours at the Aquarium.  So after we finished at the Aquarium, we decided to head to Ponce City Market and then grab something to eat.  I'm not sure if we were just tired, or peopled-out, but Ponce City Market wasn't exactly what we thought it would be.  There were several stores, but all carried more "high end" merchandise.  The building was very unique. We were hoping it would be more of a flea market vibe, but it was more of a mall feel.  By this time, we were tired and ready to head back to the hotel.

The next day we had to checkout by 11am and needed to be at the train station by 1, so we decided to not go sightseeing, and instead check out Mary Mac's Tea Room.  It had been suggested to us by our Uber driver and also in our packet.  It had the BEST sweet tea I've ever had.  It was excellent.  And their cornbread was amazing--and I'm not even fond of cornbread! For dessert we had the Georgia Peach Cobbler and the Peanut Butter Pie.  I will be thinking about that Peanut Butter Pie for a long time.  Both were very good! 

After we had a bite to eat, we rushed back to the hotel to pick up our bags and head to the train station for home.

So that was our adventure to Atlanta--we were amazed at how beautiful the city was!  So green--lots and lots of trees.  Very lovely!


OK HERE IS THE SUMMARY FOR THOSE WHO WERE SCROLLING FOR IT:

QUICK SUMMARY

Pros:
~Surprise Factor.  I can't overemphasize how much I LOVED being surprised with where we were going--that was SO FUN. 
~Pay and Go.  A pro for me was one shot payment.  We were able to pay the amount, and flights and accommodations were taken care of with no more effort on our part!
~Quick Reply.  Anytime we had a question, they were so FAST to reply.  This was an excellent feature.  Really well done.
~Reservation.  I am SO glad they made the dinner reservation for us.  It is not a place we would have chosen on our own and we would have missed out on an excellent meal. 
~Many Suggestions.  Our packet contained numerous suggestions for many places I believe we would have really enjoyed.
~Transportation.  I specifically said in our survey that we were unfamiliar with public transportation and UBER etc, and they did an excellent job of providing specific instructions for us.

Cons:
~Not tailor-made.  I thought the vacation would be more tailor made to who we were.  And it wasn't.  Most of the suggestions of things to do in Atlanta would have popped up in a quick google search.  Perhaps we should have been more specific in our survey, but we wanted to be open to the experience.
~Details.  While they were quick to respond to questions, I do think things like--stating what time we had to be at the airport (whether it was central or eastern time) was an oversight on their part.  That should have been something they had already told us.  Also, I felt they should have included in the email when they told us what to pack that they had made dinner reservations for us and we should pack some business casual attire to be appropriate at the restaurant.   They should have also made suggestions for places to eat near the Aquarium and World of Coke Museum--as we made the mistake of eating at Pemberton Cafe that was TERRIBLE. 
~Still had to research/plan.  I still had to research and plan the vacation.  It wasn't an itinerary tailor-made to us. 

Things I would do different:

*I would open my packet the day we got it instead of waiting for the morning of departure.  The only reason is because it was 2 nights and 3 days.  But after traveling, it took most of the afternoon to decide what we wanted to do while we were there.  And then our flight left early afternoon on the 3rd day and we are not morning people--so that left pretty much just one day for us to "do" anything.  If we had opened the packet when we got it, we could have researched and planned prior to getting there and then could have spent all the time "doing" stuff.

*I would probably go with other people on this type of vacation.  There is safety in numbers and while I never felt unsafe while I was in Atlanta, it can never hurt to be in a "group" instead of just 2 people gawking around as tourists.

*I would also choose to extend my stay.  The standard trip is 2 nights and 3 days, but you can ask for a longer trip. If you are going to fly somewhere, then it really is better to stay for more than 2 nights.  Airports have a way of draining your energy--especially with me getting motion sick. 

We had a great time.  I probably wouldn't do it again, simply because I'm frugal.  I could have planned this same vacation for cheaper, but I wouldn't have gotten the surprise.  But we did it once for the novelty and that was fun and worth the "extra".  But there wasn't enough "extra" for me to want to pay for them to do it again. 

However, if any of you decide to book a trip on Pack Up + Go, please mention us in your survey as we will get a promo code!!

2018.... almost over--how'd I do?

Sometimes you finish your list, and sometimes you don't.

So my previous post, from the very first day of the year, had a list of things I'd like to do this year.  I thought I'd check in to see how I did.

1.  Read 24 books. More specifically I would like to read 2 books a month.  I usually go through spurts of reading where I read several books within a few weeks and then go two months without reading anything.  By the end of 2018 I would like to have finished 2 books a month and read at a steady pace.  I have a running list at Goodreads so that I can easily choose something of interest.

UPDATE:  So I've read 21 books so far with 2 that I'm currently reading and I still have a month to go--so I feel pretty good about this one.  I think February is the only month I didn't read a book--but that's ok as I was crazy busy doing the play Steel Magnolias which was SO FUN.  So I will let that one slide!

2. Spend more time with friends. This idea is rather vague I know, but I struggle to get together with friends on a regular basis.  So my idea is to put this at the forefront of my mind this year and be intentional about coming up with ideas and calling people and getting together.  Last year on my Idea list (I have done this for awhile--just haven't posted it publicly) was to say "yes" whenever I got invited to hang out with someone.  That worked out well to touch base with people and I know it meant a lot to me when someone would go out of their way to say "hey let's spend time together".  So this year I want to do more inviting.

UPDATE:  Hmmm....it was a vague idea.  So did I actually spend "more" time with friends?  Not sure.  I did start a Book Club.  Another friend asked me to start a bible study with her, so that was created.  I could do better here I think and I need to get more specific on this one!  

3.  Host at least 4 Game Nights.  I love to play games!  It's so much fun and an easy way to spend time with people.  So my idea is to host at least 4 Game Nights, get some snacks and enjoy some time with other people.

UPDATE:  Nope, didn't make this one!  I only hosted one Girls' Night Game Night--that was SUPER fun.  And we'll have our yearly New Year's Eve Game Night--so I fell 2 short on this one!  

4.   Host 4 dinner parties.  Nothing fancy.  But just have a few people over for dinner, enjoy a meal together and each other's company.

UPDATE:  Well, this one didn't exactly happen.  It sort of happened though not the way I had meant it when I wrote this one down!  We did have people over for dinner--our bible study has dinner together when we meet!  :)  But I did not intentionally have Dinner Parties.  

5.  Try 12 new recipes.

UPDATE:  I had forgotten about this one.  I know that I tried at least 8 new recipes.  I was looking for new recipes for chicken breasts and ended up with several marinades that I did up and put in the freezer.  Not sure I got to 12 though--although I do have one month to go!!

6.  Happiness Jar.  A friend on facebook posted about a Happiness Jar where everyday for a year you write down one good thing that happened and put it in the jar.  At the end of the year you read all the good things that happened.  I LOVE the idea.  So it's an idea that is happening.

UPDATE:  Loved the idea, but my follow through...oops.  So I think I did pretty well until March and then it kind of fell apart.  I'm not even sure where the jar is right now.... I will have to go look for it!!

7.  Blog at least 12 posts.  Ahhh... I love reading other people's blogs.  I love sharing ideas.  I love writing.  However, I really don't love criticism, nor do I love when I screw up and say something stupid--and then when it's written down, well it's rough.   But I do want to share more of myself with the world at large and also to gain insight from the feedback of others--so I will start with the idea of blogging at least once a month about something.

UPDATE:  Bwahahahaha....obviously this didn't happen.  

8.  Go to the Beach.  Toes in the sand.  A book.  The sound of the water.  I don't know what beach or when or with whom.  But at least a day at the beach this year.

UPDATE:  Nope, didn't happen.  And I'm sad about this one :(  There's always next year right?  

9.  Spend less time online and watching TV/movies.  Alas I love a good story.  I also can be incredibly lazy with my free time.  Instead of watching other people's stories, I want to be an active participant in my own story.

UPDATE:  Sometimes you just have to realize who you are.  I am actively participating in my story.  But I am a story junkie--so I probably am not ever going to consume less stories via TV and movies.  I LOVE movies.  I LOVE the visual aspect of a story coming to life.  This is one I'm not going to worry about--nor am I going to put on my list again.  Instead I'm just gonna be ok with it!


Time to begin brainstorming next year's list!!  What did you accomplish from your list this year?  What things would you want on your list for next year?

2018 Idea List

Welcome 2018!!  I like lists, especially crossing off things from my list.  I don't particularly care for New Year's Resolutions nor am I a fan of "goals".  But lists--are doable for me.  I know, I know--aren't they all basically the same thing?  Probably.  Resolutions or goals feel like I'm setting myself up for failure.  However an "Idea" seems less threatening.  Thus, here is my 2018 Idea List.  These are things that I thought might be fun to do this year and they would help me in my desire to become more comfortable blogging.  So without further ado, here is my list:

1.  Read 24 books. More specifically I would like to read 2 books a month.  I usually go through spurts of reading where I read several books within a few weeks and then go two months without reading anything.  By the end of 2018 I would like to have finished 2 books a month and read at a steady pace.  I have a running list at Goodreads so that I can easily choose something of interest.

2. Spend more time with friends. This idea is rather vague I know, but I struggle to get together with friends on a regular basis.  So my idea is to put this at the forefront of my mind this year and be intentional about coming up with ideas and calling people and getting together.  Last year on my Idea list (I have done this for awhile--just haven't posted it publicly) was to say "yes" whenever I got invited to hang out with someone.  That worked out well to touch base with people and I know it meant a lot to me when someone would go out of their way to say "hey let's spend time together".  So this year I want to do more inviting. 

3.  Host at least 4 Game Nights.  I love to play games!  It's so much fun and an easy way to spend time with people.  So my idea is to host at least 4 Game Nights, get some snacks and enjoy some time with other people. 

4.   Host 4 dinner parties.  Nothing fancy.  But just have a few people over for dinner, enjoy a meal together and each other's company. 

5.  Try 12 new recipes.

6.  Happiness Jar.  A friend on facebook posted about a Happiness Jar where everyday for a year you write down one good thing that happened and put it in the jar.  At the end of the year you read all the good things that happened.  I LOVE the idea.  So it's an idea that is happening.

7.  Blog at least 12 posts.  Ahhh... I love reading other people's blogs.  I love sharing ideas.  I love writing.  However, I really don't love criticism, nor do I love when I screw up and say something stupid--and then when it's written down, well it's rough.   But I do want to share more of myself with the world at large and also to gain insight from the feedback of others--so I will start with the idea of blogging at least once a month about something.

8.  Go to the Beach.  Toes in the sand.  A book.  The sound of the water.  I don't know what beach or when or with whom.  But at least a day at the beach this year.

9.  Spend less time online and watching TV/movies.  Alas I love a good story.  I also can be incredibly lazy with my free time.  Instead of watching other people's stories, I want to be an active participant in my own story.


Ok so that's the end of my list for now, however I may come back and add to it as the year progresses.  If you're interested in the game nights, dinner party, or hanging out--let me know!! 

Here's to 2018!! 

"For Real": Grief

My mom died.  I have said that out loud to myself several times a day for the past several days because it doesn't seem real.  I will probably continue to say it to myself for the next few weeks, maybe even years.  I don't know.

Grief has been a wild ride.  It has taken me by surprise.  I'm a planner by nature, I'm pretty sure it's in my DNA right next to my hair and eye color.  Grief doesn't have time or respect for my plans.  It overwhelms you at unexpected moments.  Washing your hair?  It's a good time for grief to hit. Ordering food in a restaurant?  Perfect.  How about when you are all alone?  Or when you are surrounded by people?  Yep..that works too.  Middle of the night?  Sure!

I was arrogant and naive when it came to grief.  I thought since my mom's health had been failing for the last 4 years and that the different conditions she suffered from were all things that modern medicine cannot "fix", I thought my practical brain was prepared.  It's coming.  Mom is going to leave this life and go on to the next.  Honestly?  I even asked that God would end her suffering and take her home.  Death is part of life.  It's the natural order.  It's all very logical, practical, understandable.   Such arrogance.  Naivete.

Just because you know it's coming.  Just because you've "planned" and prepared for the event, grief spares no one.  You cannot slide through it.  You just have to walk through it, embrace it, feel it.  There are no shortcuts.  No easy route.  And it's different for each person and now having my eyes opened, I have a feeling it will be different for each person you lose.  

I have no words of wisdom.  I'm still processing.  But I believe life is about sharing our stories with others, so while the emotions are raw and real and before I overthink it, I thought I would share.

And because I'm practical and a planner I thought I'd also share the things that were most helpful this week:

1.  Prayer.  Please never underestimate the power of prayer.  I know there were people praying for me all this week because I felt them.  Because as overwhelmed as I was, I was able to make decisions, be there for family, and move through the grief process without despairing.  So if you were one of those people who prayed, I can never thank you enough.

2.  Food.  Food is helpful to a grieving person because although it seems like a small decision to make--"what are we going to eat?" becomes one more decision that seems impossible when you are going through something like this.  Practically speaking-- the best foods are quick, can easily be reheated, and if possible--favorites of the family.  Other ideas when it comes to food to keep in mind: disposable containers, disposable plates/utensils etc, contacting other friends to coordinate efforts so there isn't too much food (is that a real thing? haha), and obviously dietary restrictions.

3.  Presence.  If left to my own devices I would have told all of my friends to stay away.  Because that is how I am.  I would have thought I wanted to be alone.  But luckily, my friends dropped by to drop off food and made themselves available if I wanted them to stay.  And crazy enough?  I did want them to stay.  I just needed them for a little while to share the story of what I just went through, what I was going to have to go through.  There was nothing for them to say or do--they just listened.  But I needed that. So offer your presence to your closest friends, but be ready for that presence to be rejected and take the rejection without insult and try again at another time.  

4.  Sympathy.  Social media is so great for this very thing.  It takes just a few seconds to acknowledge someone's thoughts and give them validation that what they said was "heard".  And what I love most about social media is that you can respond when you have the time and the person who receives it reads it at the time it's convenient for them!  What a blessing in our crazy busy world!  I appreciate everyone who took the time to simply say "sorry for your loss".  There is nothing more you can say, but you validate the fact that I posted I was hurting, you heard it, and responded to it.  

So thank you friends for loving on me in these various ways this week.  You are loved and appreciated.  And in answer to the question "what do I need?"  I don't know what I need to continue this process.  The things I know I "need" are not things that are tangible for others to give me--for life to go back to "normal", for my heart not to hurt, to not burst out crying at random times, sleep, for it to "all be better".   So I just ask that you would pray and ask God what He thinks I need and then be obedient.  Some days it may be "give her space" or it may be "send her a note" or "drop by and just give her a hug".  Because what I need will probably change day to day and He has proven this week to know what I need even better than me!

20 things I've learned in 20 years of marriage

Tomorrow marks 20 years of marriage with my husband!  To honor the occasion I compiled a list of 20 things I've learned.

20.  I am selfish.  Marriage taught me how utterly selfish I am.  Having someone else in your life everyday that you must compromise, think about, and work together with  has been really hard because I am selfish and like to do things my own way and on my own timetable.  It's humbling to realize your faults.

19.  Not every marriage will look the same.  Marriage is about 2 unique individuals becoming one.  I have friends where the wife works and the husband stays at home; where the husband works and the wife stays home; marriages where both partners work; marriages where they own their own business; marriages where when they get mad they yell and scream and throw things; marriages where they have never shouted at one another; marriages that have weekly date nights; marriages where they couldn't tell you the last time they went on a date; marriages where they have sex once a month, or once a week, or 5 times a week; marriages where they tell each other everything; marriages where they wear matching clothes; marriages where they workout together; marriages where they watch tv together; marriages where they enjoy their hobbies separately.  My point is, I cannot tell you what marriage is "supposed" to look like.  What is important is that the two people who get married care deeply about one another and strive to create a safe place for each other that honors and respects the love and commitment they bound themselves to.

18.  When you get married you become a teacher and a student.  I had no idea how to be Josh's wife when we got married and he didn't have a clue how to be my husband.  But over the last 20 years we have learned how to teach one another about our needs, our differences, our wants, our preferences and who we are as people and how we want to be loved.  Everyday is a new adventure of learning as we constantly change and grow!

17.  Talking.  If you talk alot--listen more.  If you don't talk much--talk more.  I am a talker, I have struggled to learn to listen more.  What is most amazing?  The less I talk, the more Josh does.  Surprise surprise....

16.  The kids are 2nd.  I love my kids and I'm pretty sure they feel loved.  But I think they all know that Josh is #1.  And I think they are ok with that.  I have to make a conscious effort to unplug my mommy brain and make sure I plug in my wife brain in order to meet my husband's needs.  He doesn't need me to ask him if he needs to "go potty" but he does need me to pinch his behind when I don't think anyone is looking.

15.  Play together.  Whatever that might look like for you.  Josh and I tend to be silly people.  We like to laugh.  We tickle, tease, flirt, have secret code words, and in general act less like adults and more like teenagers when we're alone together.  Have fun with your spouse.  Those things may not be "fun" to you and that's ok (remember #19-not every marriage looks the same?).  But find out what your "thing" with your spouse is.  Maybe you enjoy competitive sports, or the same movies/tv shows, taking long drives or slow walks.  Whatever it is that you can share with your spouse.

14.  No mind games.  My husband made a very wise rule a few short months after we started dating.  The rule is "no mind games".   If I'm upset with him, then I need to say I'm upset.  If I say "I'm fine", then he will take it at face value and assume I am "fine".  He will not try to figure out what it means or what he needs to do in response.  This was SO hard for me.  1--because I'm a girl and we tend to be sucked into mental drama quicker than our male counterparts and 2--I grew up in a house where mind games were normal and no one ever said what they really thought/felt.  I cannot tell you how much this has contributed to the success in our marriage.  I had to learn how to discover what exactly hurt my feelings and then to communicate that to Josh.  If he ignored my hurt when I said "I'm fine", I had no one to blame but myself. I also learned to realize that many of the things that "hurt" my feelings were trivial and perceived slights, not real ones and I became adept at figuring out what was really worth our time to discuss and what I needed to just "get over".  This simple rule fostered honesty and communication.

13.  If I were dying (or my spouse were dying) would this matter?  This goes along with #14 in some ways.  Morbid, I know.  But it has helped me tremendously in deciding when something needs to be "addressed" and when I need to just let something go.  Marriage is full of land mines of hurt feelings.  Early in our marriage I would venture to guess that we could barely go 2 or 3 hours together without me getting my feelings "hurt".  I just tended to read way too much into what was being said/done.  As I struggled to mature in my emotional health, I came up with a way to decide what's important to discuss and what is not.  I applied my question--If I were dying (or Josh were dying) would this specific hurt really matter to me and need to be discussed?  If I answer yes, then I bring it up and share the hurt and we work toward a solution.  If I answer no, then I let it go.

12.  I need time alone.  Being a couple is GREAT!  But I still need time to do things by myself and that's ok.

11.  You have to let go.  You will hurt your spouse.  Your spouse will hurt you.  It is inevitable.  Hopefully it will always be unintentional.  Sometimes it might not :(  But regardless, you will need to learn to let it go.  This is one of the absolute truths for every marriage (every relationship--even with your children/parents/siblings/coworkers/best friends/etc!).  It is ok to feel hurt.  It is ok to be upset.  It is ok to cry.  But eventually, you will have to let that hurt go and move forward.  If you do not let it go, it will kill your marriage.  Seriously.  If you do not let go of past hurt, it will kill your marriage.  Love cannot survive where bitterness lives.  This is a fact.  So do whatever it takes to figure out how to let go.

10. Be kind.  Josh has always been kind to me.  He doesn't make fun of me to hurt my feelings.  He doesn't speak poorly about me behind my back or in front of me.  He tries to help me however he can. He is very good at this.  I have to work harder because I tend to be more snarky and sarcastic in general.  Protect your spouse by being kind.

9.  Talking negatively about your spouse to others will not solve the problem.  If I am having trouble in my marriage I have to be very careful with who I speak to about it.  Most of the time, God is the only one who hears about it, but sometimes I need to speak to a friend.  However,  the last thing I need is for someone to make it easy for me to blame everything on Josh. I need a friend who will pray with me, remind me of all the good things about Josh, who will help me come up with a plan to work through our issues.  I do have a few of those, and I'm deeply grateful for those women.

8.  There will never be "enough" money.  Ok so maybe this is just true for us, but I have a feeling it's not.  When we first got married we would think --oh if only we could make ___ amount an hour it will not be such a struggle.  Then a year or so would go by and we would make ___ amount of money and you  know, we still struggled.  There will always be one more thing to buy, repair, replace, or "need".  We have learned to be content with what we have right now and trust that God will supply what we need in the future.

7.  Dreams change.  I used to get worried because I wasn't following the dreams I had in high school for myself.  I thought my life was off course.  The older I get the more I realize that there is nothing wrong with following your dreams, however there is also nothing wrong with letting your dreams change.

6. Disagreements can be a positive turning point.  Some of the most bonding moments in our marriage have come out of a major disagreement.  There was something about disagreeing very strongly with one another, yet choosing to work it out that cemented our commitment to each other. At the time, it did not feel that way.  It just felt stressful, overwhelming, and scary.  But on down the road, looking back it bolsters my confidence that we can get through anything together.

5. Learn to honor your spouse's daily irritations.  They don't matter in the grand scheme of life, but they do drive you crazy everyday.  I learned quickly that one of Josh's biggest pet peeves was when I would squeeze the tube of toothpaste from the middle instead of the end.  I solved the problem by buying a tube of toothpaste for him and one for me.  I do better now at squeezing from the end, but when we first got married, it was just a habit of squeezing from the middle.  So instead of irritating him everyday, I just got my own tube.
 
4. Don't blink, you'll miss it.  Time goes so fast.  I have learned how to enjoy each moment as it comes, because once I blink it is gone.

3.  Have sex often.  It's fun.  It's free.  It lifts your mood.  It brings you closer to your spouse.  I highly recommend it to all married couples!  However, if this has not been your experience with your spouse--I highly recommend reading some books together and having a serious discussion.  Don't miss out on one of the greatest gifts God has ever given to us!

2.  "Each of you should look not only to your own needs, but also to the needs of others."  This is the best piece of advice I have ever been given.  I remember the day our pastor shared this nugget with us.  He said that if we could learn how to apply this scripture to our marriage, we would be fine. I can't begin to tell you how many times this scripture has popped into my mind over the last 20 years.  God would gently remind me to stop looking at the situation from my point of view and instead to give of myself to Josh and meet his needs.  This scripture has saved our marriage over and over again.

1.  I love being married.  I got married when I was 18 years old.  I knew that I really cared about Josh and that I couldn't imagine life without him.  But honestly, I wasn't sure how it would all work out.  We are very different in many ways and even I was very aware how young we were.  My wildest dreams haven't even come close to how much I love being married to Josh.  I love waking up next to him every morning and going to bed together at night.  I love that when he comes home from work, he comes to find me so he can kiss me hello and he never leaves the house without kissing me goodbye and saying I love you.  I love how he will listen to me go ON and ON and ON about whatever issue I can't figure out and then after several hours he will tell me it's time to let it go and think about something else.  I love how he will sit next to me and watch my silly chick flicks and when I look at him to see if he's enjoying it, he smiles at me and I know he is just enjoying sitting next to me.  I love how he pulls me close and kisses the back of my neck while I'm trying to do dishes.  I love how he loves our children and works hard to provide all the things they need.  I love that I know he always has my back, even when I'm wrong!  He has been there for me for the last 20 years with all of my doubts, insecurities, tantrums, and pigheadedness.  He has always strove to love me for me, to forgive, to accept, and to celebrate life together.  He is amazing and believe me I know how very fortunate I am.  I can't wait to see what the next 20+ years hold for us.  Thank you for asking me to be your bride.  I love you more than words can express!

2015 Goals

I have a couple of friends whom I love dearly who are both firstborns who love to create lists and check things off said list.  Well these two friends enjoy being very productive with their time and I must say are quite successful.  There are times that as a youngest child I realize how very unproductive I can be since we last borns tend to enjoy our freedom, spontaneity, and well to put it bluntly--laziness. Anyway, I am feeling slightly inspired and a little envious of their apparent success in creating yearly goals and having something to write about on their blogs.  So I'm going to give them the highest form of flattery (imitation right?) and basically copy cat them.  (something last borns are pretty good at)

So without further ado, here are my 2015 Goals.

Hobby Goals
1.  Read 50 new books. (New being, new to me.  Last year I read 51  books, but several are ones that I adore and read almost yearly anyway. So the challenge is to choose 50 new books!)
2.  Watch 12 new movies.  (again--new being new to me!  I adore movies and watch them over and over again!)
3.  I have a secret photography project in my head that I would like to complete for a gift.  So I won't say anymore at this time, but I would like to complete this by Christmas this year.
4.  Spend one afternoon a month working on my photography skills by getting out and about and shooting away!
5.  Try 2 new recipes a month!

Health/Fitness Goals
1.  No more seconds!
2.  20 minutes of exercise at least 3 times a week.
3.  Add at least 2 servings of fruit a day.
4.  Lose 10 lbs. this year and keep it off permanently.

Focusing Outward Goals
1.  Call my friends once a month to say hello.  (seems simple, but being an introvert who projects as an extrovert I tend not to call or talk to people unless I need something :( I do think about them often, but my follow through stinks!)
2. Have 4 "girls" nights this year!
3. Throw 4 game nights!
4. Give blood at least once!  (I've never given before!)

Marriage Goals
1.  Continue our monthly date nights!
2.  Plan and go on the honeymoon we've pushed off for the last 20 years! ;)

Spiritual Goals
1.  Join or start a bible study.
2.  Do 1 individual study just for me.  Something that requires journaling.
3.  Share via social media what I'm learning and answered prayers!

Family Traditions
1.  Valentine's Dinner
2.  4th of July Cookout
3.  Get the Christmas Tree and Decorate
4.  New Year's Eve Bash

House Goals
1.  Repaint 2 dressers
2.  Repaint the TV stand
3.  Put up pictures in dining room and kitchen!
4.  Acquire a decent sofa for the game room.

Cereal Boxes for Haiti

For the last several years our family has collected Cereal Boxes for The Apparent Project in Haiti.  It has been a fun way to get our community involved in something global and also to help our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ in Haiti to have a way to financially support themselves in a country where there are very few employment opportunities.

We have had great success in people jumping on board and saving cereal boxes all year long!  We are so thankful!  However, we now have need.  I would love for this ministry to continue to grow and to send more and more boxes to Haiti.  But as we are collecting more boxes, the shipping expenses are also climbing.  It costs approximately $40 per box to ship from Westfield to Michigan (where it is loaded on a container bound for Haiti).  It also costs approximately $20 per box to put it on the container to get to Haiti.  So that's $60 per box.  We collected 6 boxes so far this year, so it will cost approximately $360 to send the boxes.  As of right now I have $120.

What I would love to do is to partner with people who are interested in this ministry as well and form a committee of sorts to help with the collecting, sorting, and financial situation.  If there are people from multiple church bodies who would come together on the committee, we could have multiple congregations joining together and sending more and more cereal boxes to Haiti! 

Would you prayerfully consider how God might be asking you to get involved?  Perhaps you have a knack for organization, or networking, or you think your church might be interested in getting involved?  Maybe you have a few extra dollars you have been praying as to how God might want to use them?  Or God just might be making you aware of this need and you will join me in praying for the need to be filled?  I just ask that you ask God and see what He says!

I will also be having an Apparent Project Jewelry/Christmas Decor Party Open House in the middle of November.  I am waiting on my box of items to arrive so that I can set a date and time.  But I wanted to give you a heads up that I will have items soon!

Thanks so much for taking time to read this post and please feel free to contact me with your questions!!

Friday Five

1. What is the song/tune that keeps going thru your head today?

No song/tune was going through my head until I read this question.  So now the song "Rude" by Magic is--only there is this dad who wrote new lyrics for it and I like the new lyrics better.  You can check it out here:  "Rude"

2. What strange thing happened this week?

I am taking a digital photography class and last night during class one of the older ladies farted REALLY loud.  It was totally obvious, but everyone just pretended like it didn't happen. 

3. What good thing?

I got to Skype with my daughter!!

4. What happy thing?

I got to Skype with my daughter :)   And I got a phone call too!

5. Anything memorable happen this week? What was it?

Hmmm... Memorable....  Nope nothing I would say is "memorable"

Just a little something to make you laugh....

Yes, we "fight" about stupid stuff.  And this made my husband and I totally laugh out loud.

Friday Five

Recommend one:
1) Book
Just one?  How about this--one fiction and one non-fiction!
Non-Fiction:  The Bible.  It has been life changing for me and tells you all about my favorite person-God!
Fiction:  Harry Potter Series.  I just love the whole story from beginning to end.  Good vs. Evil.  Coming of age.  Action/Adventure.  Comedy.  Love story.  It has it all!

2) College/University/Personal Interest course
I recommend taking a foreign language.  Any of them that interest you.  I think learning something new keeps your mind fresh and a new language forces you to think in a new way!  Learning about a new culture is fascinating and reminds you that there are so many unique people in this world!

3) Song
Hold Me by Jamie Grace.  Never fails to put a smile on my face.

4) Web Site
thepioneerwoman.com  Ree Drummond can seriously cook.  I love her recipes and she's funny to boot!

5) Something of your choosing (ie- author, video game, food, movie, etc)
Movie:  Cheaper by the Dozen.  Love this movie so much.  Good clean fun!

Starting Something new....

I start a Digital Photography class tonight!  Excited, nervous, curious, hopeful...all kinds of emotions!!  I enjoy looking at cool photos and every once in a while I snap one that I really enjoy!  Hopefully after this class it will be less of a gamble on getting a good shot :)

Before you head to Parent/Teacher Conferences....

Being a parent is difficult.  Being a teacher is difficult.  Hmmm...wonder why this is?  Perhaps because we care so much about the same people--our kids!  Now the way we go about caring for our kids could be in different ways and the things we value might be a little different.  Our goals are the same though--we want well-adjusted kids who are kind to others and who are gaining knowledge and wisdom of the world around them.

So why am I bringing this up at the beginning of the school year?  Don't we have at least 7 or 8 weeks before that first Parent/Teacher Conference?  We sure do.  I just want to remind each other that we are on the same team, we want the same thing.   And getting the job done is hard and exhausting.  Doesn't it feel amazing when someone comments to you about how well-behaved your kids are or how smart they are or how kind they are?  Or perhaps when you do have to discipline them in public and someone says to you, "you handled that really well" or maybe they just give you a knowing smile?   Someone noticed you got it right and it felt good to have someone mention it out loud.  Teachers are people, just like us parents.  So be prepared going into Parent/Teacher Conferences with some praises for that teacher.  Maybe they go out of their way to communicate assignments to you or maybe they gave you a call to let you know that your child was struggling in a specific area and wanted to let you know.  Perhaps they haven't had any contact with you personally, but your child loves the art projects they have been doing in class or they can't stop talking about something interesting your teacher has shared.  Even if there isn't anything they have done that is particularly "extraordinary", just let them know that you appreciate them.  You appreciate their effort and acknowledge that what they do is trying at times.

We can all use a kind word now and then!

You Are More

You are more than the choices that you've made
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes
You are more than the problems you create
You've been remade

Cause this is not about what you've done,
But what's been done for you.
This is not about where you've been,
But where your brokenness brings you to
This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you new.

The song is You Are More by Tenth Avenue North.  It came on the radio this morning while I was cleaning.  And all of a sudden I found myself sobbing on the floor.  Satan loves to remind me of where I've been.  Of every little failure.  He tries to pin every little thing in my life back to how I'm less than what I should be.  And today, my Jesus reminded me so clearly that I am way more than those lies.  That my weakness shows His strength.  That my brokenness leads me to love Him and have compassion for others.  I am so much more than my choices, mistakes, and problems.  I am his lovely daughter in whom He delights.

Friend--you are more too. Let Him remind you.

Friday Five

This week's Friday Five questions are brought to you by f.riday5!

1.  What's something non-food related you have to go to a nearby town to do because the town where you live doesn't have it?

Oh my goodness--EVERYTHING!  I live in a town of approximately 700 people (doubt it's really that many!) , so if you want to go to the movies or bowling or to the mall --you have to leave to do it!  We don't even have a gas station!

2.  What's something you go to a nearby town to do because your town's version of it isn't as good?  

We recently had a very small grocery store open here in our little town.  While it's nice to have somewhere to get ice or bread or milk last minute, I do have to go to a neighboring town in order to do most of my grocery shopping.  

3.  What's something people in nearby towns come to your town to do?

Visit friends?  ha ha :) Really there is nothing here to draw people to our town.  It's just a quiet "blink and you'll miss it" kind of town. 

4.  In what way are residents of a nearby town different from residents in your town?

Well one town that is only 15 minutes away is a college town.  The people who live in my town predominantly own their own homes and have chosen to make this their life-long residence. The college town residents probably have a much higher percentage of renters and people who will move away once they finish their college education.  I also think the residents in my community enjoy a slow-paced life--that's why they live here!  Whereas I would venture to guess the residents in the college town enjoy more of the hustle and bustle.  But even the college town nearby is so small comparatively speaking to most cities in America!

5.  Many towns give themselves nicknames, like “______ Capital of America” or “America’s ___________est Town” or “Home of __________.” What would be a good nickname along these lines to give the town where you live?

I posted a facebook status a few months after we moved here that our town is "The Home of the Barking Dogs".  Seriously, on evenings when you can open up the windows, it seems like every single home has a dog and once one dog starts barking, every single dog in town decides it's time to bark too. 

When things are hard....

I pray hard.  It's true.  I pray all the time in all kinds of situations.  I'm sure if God gave me a nickname it would probably be Magpie.  I never shutup.  Really I don't.  All day long I'm like some 2 year old saying "look at me daddy!  See what I can do!" or I'm crying and telling him what booboo I have for the day.  I'm not saying this is a bad thing--that's just my prayer life. 

But when things are hard, I listen better.  When things are good I just cruise along.  When things are bad I curl up in a ball every night and cry and ask Him what do I do now? 

Last night I just kept saying over and over--give me wisdom, give me strength.  Help me bend my will to Yours.  Me on my own?  I'm nothing.  I would definitely screw it up. Turning to Him?  Well, there are no guarantees b/c I am human and make mistakes--but I definitely slide things in favor of going better.

Is that why things are hard?  So I'll listen better?  Oh please Lord, help me get better at always listening...

Running Theme

There has been a running theme in my life the last year or so.  People who hurt me and aren't sorry.  And a few of these people I am required to continue relationship with...I can't just walk away.  And ALL of these people say they love God (except one is confused on that front right now)---so they are my brother/sister in Christ.  In general, I can honestly forgive and move on with someone who is genuinely sorry.  Someone who shows me that they truly understand the hurt they caused and then they genuinely work VERY hard at changing their behavior.  Those people I respect, admire, and feel good about mending the relationship.

But people who aren't sorry?  Honestly?  I don't know how to deal with it.  How do you move forward?  How can it become "ok"?  How do you forgive?  How do you still give of yourself and love others when you are tired of being hurt?

A few years ago I would have said, "You have to trust God.  Pray, He will help you get over it."  And I still believe that.  But it is not as simple as it sounds.  Nor is it a one time shot.  This is where that daily walking with God thing comes into play. And even when I know that in my head, the daily living it out is honestly exhausting to me.  I think I'm missing something in the equation?  Is there more to it that I've failed to understand?  Or is this deep heart hurt just a part of the human existance?  A result/consequence of sin--our own and the fallout of the sin of others?

God my heart is hurt and it is hard to put one foot in front of the other.  I feel tired and wore down. I feel defeated in some ways.  I don't want to feel this way.  I know others have it much rougher than I have and I am grateful for all that You give and You have provided.  I just don't know how to get over the feelings that I have.  Show me.

Loving Others

Matthew 22:36-40
³⁶ “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
 ³⁷ Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’^{[c] 38} This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’^{[d] 40} All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

It all comes down to loving God and loving others.  Loving God, I can do.  There are moments when it is hard, for sure.  But deep down He has given me the faith that I need to trust Him even when I can't see.  Loving others is so hard.  At least with God, I know He is perfect--that everything He does is with perfect motivation.  Loving others is not the case. 

I have been fried by others.  I'm just guessing, so have you.  It makes me want to say "ok, that's it--no more 'others' in my life."  I want to close the door and just forget it.  I'm tired of being hurt.  I'm tired of being misunderstood.  I'm tired of not knowing the right way to interact with each person I meet.  I'm tired of making a mess when I was just trying to help.  I'm tired of getting close and getting stung.  I'm tired of being rejected.  I'm tired of "not being good enough". 

But I love God.  And He told me to love others.  And his motives for me to love others are perfect.  And I trust Him.  This pain I feel is for a purpose I don't see. 

Read an interesting post today about "Fair Trade"---check it out!

The Apparent Project Blog: Fair Trade? How about B.E.A.N. trade?#c6636295564364922998#c6636295564364922998

The Power of Community....

Thursday nights we have a group of people who come over and we talk about our faith and God and pray for each other and eat snacks and laugh at our children who run around enjoying each other's company.  My last couple of posts have been downers--just struggling/sloshing through some stuff in my life right now. 

I just wanted to take a moment to post about the power of community.  With how I've been feeling, last night I did not want to have a group of people in my home, much less LEAD said group of people in a discussion about God. Had I been an "attendee" of the group instead of the "leader", I honestly would have skipped.  And man, I would have missed out on the power of community.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10  "Two are better than one....If one falls down, his friend can help  him up.  But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!"

I fell down this week and my friends, they lifted me up.  I didn't even really discuss what was going on inside of me--just BEING there with them, listening to them talk about God, what He was doing in their life--lifted me up too.  It helped to remind me of who HE is and what HE is about.  And how much He loves me. 

Listening to each of them pray.  Thanking God for each other, for answering prayer, for being there--boldly asking Him to meet the needs of their friends and family.  Healing took place in my soul.

Lord, thank  you so much.  I can be such a whiny brat and yet You still take the time to console me--thank you.  thank you. thank you.